Frank Pierre Presents: Pierre Resort & Casino | Infomercials | Adult Swim

Frank Pierre Presents: Pierre Resort & Casino | Infomercials | Adult Swim


>>WELCOME TO THE FRANK PIERRE
RESORT & CASINO.
THE PIERRE IS EaSleePlay.
“HOTEL TOUR.”
>>HI, I’M FRANK PIERRE, AND I’D
LIKE TO TAKE A COUPLE OF MINUTES
TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY LATEST
VENTURE.
I BELIEVE THAT CLASS ISN’T A
CLASS YOU CAN TAKE.
THAT’S WHY I BUILT A SCHOOL TO
TEACH IT TO YOU.
AND THIS IS IT — THE PIERRE
RESORT & CASINO.
I MADE MY MILLIONS GIVING PEOPLE
WHAT THEY WANTED, WHICH WERE
PICTURES THAT WHEN YOU STARE AT
THEM LONG ENOUGH, YOU SEE OTHER
PICTURES.
I CALLED IT “SEEN IT, SAW IT”
ART.
WHY DON’T YOU SEE FOR YOURSELF?
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]
DID YOU SEE IT?
I CALL THIS ONE
“WHALE OF A PRESIDENT.”
[ CHUCKLES ]
THE PIERRE RESORT & CASINO IS
THE FIRST RESORT CASINO OPERATED
ON INDIAN LAND THAT IS NOT OWNED
BY A NATIVE AMERICAN, AND THAT’S
SOMETHING I’M PROUD OF.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE
THINKING — “BUILT ON SACRED
NATIVE AMERICAN LAND.
THAT MUST MEAN GHOSTS.”
[ CHUCKLES ]
NO WAY.
WE’RE 100% NOT HAUNTED BY
GHOSTS.
[ LIGHTNING CRASHES ]
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
THAT’S A GUARANTEE THAT ALL MY
RESORTS, CASINOS, RESTAURANTS,
AND CHAINS OF VIRTUAL-REALITY
BOWLING ALLEYS ALL HAVE IN
COMMON.
NOW, LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND.
THE POOL AT THE PIERRE IS QUITE
SPECTACULAR.
IT’S THE ONLY POOL IN THE WORLD
THAT HAS 13 REAL DOLPHINS ALL
THE TIME.
WHY WAIT TO SWIM WITH THEM WHEN
YOU CAN DO IT 24/7?
PLUS, OUR POOL ALSO FEATURES NOT
ONE BUT THREE SWIM-UP COCKTAIL
BARS, WHICH MEANS NOT ONLY CAN
YOU SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS, YOU
CAN DRINK WITH THEM, TOO.
AND REMEMBER OUR RULES — NO
SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO PROBLEM.
[ CHUCKLES ]
WE ALSO HAVE SOME OF THE BEST
RESTAURANTS IN NORTH AMERICA
RIGHT ON THE PREMISES.
IF YOU’RE AN AMERICAN LIKE ME,
YOU LIKE HAMBURGERS.
WE HAVE THE WORLD’S LARGEST
HAMBURGER GRILLERY, AND IT’S
CALLED — YOU GUESSED IT —
FRANK’S.
TRY OUR BREAKFAST BURGER…
OUR LUNCH BURGER…
OUR DINNER BURGER.
HOWEVER, IF YOU DON’T EAT FOOD,
WE ALSO HAVE BEAUTIFUL ROOMS
WITH ORNATELY DECORATED TABLES
AND ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD.
IT’S A FIRST OF ITS KIND.
SO EAT OR DON’T.
WE DON’T CARE.
NO GETAWAY WOULD BE COMPLETE
WITHOUT A RELAXING TRIP TO OUR
SPA FOR A ONE-OF-A-KIND SUNDAE
TREATMENT, AND THAT’S NOT
“SUNDAY” WITH A “Y.”
IT’S “SUNDAE” WITH AN A-E, LIKE
THE DESSERT.
OUR TRAINED MASSEUSES CAN MAKE
YOU INTO A HUMAN SUNDAE USING AN
EXFOLIATING WHIPPED CREAM…
A CLEANSING CHOCOLATE SAUCE…
AND FROZEN ICE-CREAM MASSAGE.
YOU’LL BE SO RELAXED…
YOU’LL WANT TO EAT YOURSELF.
MM.
OUR GYM HOSTS OVER TWO MILES OF
TREADMILLS, SO THERE’S ALWAYS
ONE AVAILABLE.
OR YOU CAN TAKE AN ACTUAL RUN
FROM ONE END OF THE TREADMILLS
TO THE OTHER FOR A SURPRISINGLY
REFRESHING WORKOUT.
OUR GOLF COURSE HAS 23 HOLES,
WHICH IS FIVE MORE HOLES THAN A
NORMAL GOLF COURSE —
BECAUSE WE CAN AFFORD IT.
AND BECAUSE WE LOVE TO SUPPORT
NATIVE AMERICAN HERITAGE AT
PIERRE’S, WE HAVE THEM ON STAFF
24/7.
JUST PRESS THE “INDIAN” BUTTON
ON YOUR PHONE.
EVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE A
TRADITIONAL FIRE DANCE…
OR TAKE A PICTURE WITH A
REAL-LIFE NATIVE AMERICAN
INDIAN?
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
>>”HIT MOVIES.”
>>WOW. LOOK AT THAT.
IT LOOKS YOU’RE RIGHT THERE IN
FRONT OF ME.
[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT’S A JOKE.
THAT’S NOT HOW TELEVISION WORKS.
BUT IF I COULD SEE YOU, I’D
IMAGINE YOU’D BE SITTING IN YOUR
ROOM THINKING, “THERE’S NOTHING
ON TV.”
[ Feminine voice ] OH, DON’T BE
SILLY.
EVERY ROOM IN THE PIERRE IS
EQUIPPED WITH M-O-V-I-E-T-V,
WHICH IS OUR ACRONYM FOR
MOVIE TV.
>>GET OUT!
>>[ Normal voice ] WHAT’S THAT,
SUSAN?
[ Feminine voice ] WELL, FRANK,
IT’S A VIDEO-ON-DEMAND SYSTEM
THAT DELIVERS THE LATEST MOVIES
FROM THE CINEMA TO YOUR HOTEL
TV.
[ Normal voice ] WE HAVE A
SELECTION OF THREE ROMANTIC
COMEDIES, FIVE BRO-MANTIC
COMEDIES, AND TWO MOVIES THAT
ARE GENUINELY NOT GOOD.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.
YOU LIKE TO BINGE WATCH?
GET THE “BEST FRIENDS” PACKAGE
AND CATCH UP ON EVERY EPISODE OF
THE THAI REMAKE OF THE AMERICAN
HIT SHOW “FRIENDS”…
FOR ONLY $99.99.
BUT HURRY UP.
YOU ONLY HAVE 24 HOURS TO WATCH
ALL 236 EPISODES.
OR IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, YOU LIKE
VIDEO GAMES.
[ CHUCKLES ]
BAM!
I GOT THE BAD GUY!
[ CHUCKLES ]
SO FOR ALL YOU VIDEO-GAME
ENTHUSIASTS OUT THERE DIAGNOSED
WITH PAC-MAN FEVER, FEED YOUR
ADDICTION WITH UNLIMITED
SUPER ULTRA BRICK BUSTER XTREME
FOR $14.99 AN HOUR.
DON’T GET P-OWNED, NUDIE,
ON THE VIRTUAL GRIDIRON.
I’LL FRAG YOU ALL DAY.
>>”ADULT MOVIES.”
>>DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH
PEOPLE…
DO IT?
[ CHUCKLING ]
>>PERVERT!
YOUR PRESENCE UPSETS THE GODS.
IF YOU CONTINUE TO DISREGARD OUR
PLEA…YOU WILL PAY.
>>BUT KEEP THAT BETWEEN YOU AND
ME.
[ DING ]
>>”TEENS DAY.”
SATURDAY IS TEENS DAY.
WE KNOW IT’S SO HARD TO FIND
SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT YOUR
TEEN ACTUALLY LIKES.
THE FRANK PIERRE RESORT & CASINO
OFFERS A STATE-OF-THE-ART
INTERNET CHAT PROGRAM THAT
CONNECTS YOUR TEEN TO OTHER
TEENS IN THE HOTEL.
>>I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS.
>>”CASINO.”
>>LOVE CASINOS BUT FIND THE
GAMES COMPLEX?
WE’RE THE FIRST CASINO TO HAVE
MILLIONAIRE SOLITAIRE…
CASINO WAR…
PROFESSIONAL POGS.
FINALLY, GAMBLE WITHOUT ALL OF
THE PRESSURE OF STRATEGY.
>>”LEARN CASINO WAR.”
>>HEY, THERE, LUCKY.
WHY DON’T YOU TEACH MY FRIENDS
HOW TO PLAY THIS WONDERFUL GAME?
>>LEARN CASINO WAR.
IT’S THE THINKING MAN’S GAME FOR
THOSE PEOPLE WHO, THEY DON’T
LIKE TO THINK.
CASINO WAR IS PLAYED USING A
STANDARD 52-CARD DECK.
THE DECK IS DIVIDED BETWEEN TWO
PLAYERS.
EACH PLAYER DRAWS A CARD AND
PUTS IT INTO THEIR RESPECTIVE
PILE.
THE PLAYER WITH THE HIGHER-VALUE
CARD WINS BOTH CARDS!
YOU KEEP DRAWING CARDS UNTIL ONE
PLAYER HAS ALL THE CARDS
AND — JACKPOT — YOU WIN!
>>WELL, THIS SOUNDS FUN AND
UNCOMPLICATED.
I LIKE IT!
HOW LONG IS AN AVERAGE GAME?
>>ABOUT 30 TO 40 MINUTES A
HAND.
>>WELL, THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC.
[ MAN SCREAMING ]
LET’S PLAY.
>>ALL RIGHT.
WE EACH DRAW A CARD.
LOOKS LIKE YOU WIN.
YOU GET THE CARDS.
LET’S DRAW ANOTHER.
WELL, MY CARD’S HIGHER, SO I
WIN.
LET’S DRAW ANOTHER CARD.
HO HO HO!
LOOKS LIKE I WIN.
LET’S DRAW ANOTHER.
YES!
I WIN!
LET’S DRAW ANOTHER.
WOW!
WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME CARD.
THAT MEANS WE BOTH GET TO SAY…
>>Together: CASINO WAR!
>>SO WHEN THAT HAPPENS, WE EACH
PUT A CARD FACEDOWN AND DRAW
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A
“WAR CARD.”
>>DID I WIN?
>>NO, I’M AFRAID NOT.
I WIN, SO I GET ALL THE CARDS.
>>I GUESS THAT’S WHY THEY CALL
YOU LUCKY.
>>YEAH.
>>DEAL ME IN…
AND I’LL SEE YOU…AROUND.
OH!
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
[ GASPS ]
[ BREATHING RAGGEDLY ]
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
WE’RE ALL DEAD.
>>[ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
[ DRUM BEATING ]
>>I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR STAY
AT THE FRANK PIERRE RESORT &
CASINO.
PLEASE STAY AGAIN.
>>WELCOME TO THE TOWN OF
SACRED HOPE.
THIS IS WHERE THEY ATE.
THIS IS WHERE THEY PLAYED.
THIS IS WHERE THEY LIVED.
THIS IS WHERE THEY TEASED HIM.
THIS IS WHERE THEY BEAT HIM.
THIS IS WHERE HE HID UNTIL HE
BECAME…ONE OF THEM.
“SKUNK BOY.”
NOW ON VHS AND LaserDisc.
>>YEAH!

100 thoughts on “Frank Pierre Presents: Pierre Resort & Casino | Infomercials | Adult Swim”

  1. "For only $99.99… but hurry up. You've only got 24 hours to watch all 236 episodes… …If you're like me, you like video games. Blam! Got the bad guy, haha! So for all you video game enthusiasts out there diagnosed with Pac-Man fever you can feed your addiction with unlimited Super Ultra Brick-Buster Extreme… for only $14.99 an hour." Released in 2014 and it's still getting worse.

  2. Unfortunately, due to a wiring issue, the info channel only broadcast to the Motel 6 down the road, so no one at the resort got the ghost's message. To this day, the Indian ghosts have not received writer's credit for The Ring.

  3. Well, it'll be only a few seconds from 3 days since I watched this and I'm just fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioopplpllllll

  4. Fun fact: Ray Wise was ALSO in an Adam Ruins Everything episode titled “Adam Ruins Television.” I gotta say, between “Frank Pierre’s Hotel, Resort & Casino” and his cameo performance in “Adam Ruins Television,” he did pretty fucking good! Knew how to scare the shit outta me at the end as well!

  5. At 8:09 and the subsequent draw the cards are the same. Nifty stuff. Just another passing detail to add to the unease.

  6. Fools! It was not the Occipital Bone where Kennedy's injury was located at but, rather, the Parietal Bone along the right lateral cortex.

  7. I've seen this video numerous times and its absolutely fantastic, the attention to detail is amazing. Never noticed the guy in the background at 3:43 before, goes to show all the effort put into this

  8. "I believe class isn't a class you can take. That's why I built a school to teach it to you."

    Starting out strong with this one!

  9. Am I the only one who finds him disturbingly charming.. like to the point he looks like the actual devil? xDI miss reaper. ):

  10. Adult swim always has to have random unfunny violence for some reason lol. Not like Broomshakala violence which was funny, but just a random creepout bloodspray. Tis odd.

  11. Bruh, that fuckin deer gore pic. Wtf. First JFK getting his head shot off, then deer gore?

    Wtf is going on in this video? Who made this shit?

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