So, let’s do a quick recap for anybody who doesn’t know what this is all about.
A few months ago, KSI had this big boxing match with another Youtuber called Joe Weller.
Which, come on.
Look at KSI. Look at Joe Weller.
This was a no-brainer. KSI destroyed the poor guy.
And with his belt around his waist, he very smartly called out the Paul brothers.
KSI: “Jake Paul, Logan Paul, any of the Pauls. I don’t care. Bring it”
Now Jake and Logan, being the couple of bitches that they are, took advantage of the fact that he said
ANY of the Pauls, and they tried to send their DAD to fight KSI for them.
Greg Paul: “If he wants fight to me, I’m totally on board. I’ll whip his ass! ‘Course he’s not gonna like the idea that he’s getting beat up by an old guy.”
For real though, what a bitch move to send your daddy to fight in your place!
That’s like being the cool kids in high school, bullying people left and right, but as soon as someone challenges them, they’re like…
Draco: “MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS.”
And it’s not even like their dad is this super cool, badass dude.
Greg Paul is a washed-up old man who shamelessly rides the coattails of his kid’s success.
And he also happens to be SUPER FUCKING CREEPY!
At this point Logan was still busy filming dead people and tazing dead rats, and his PR people told him…
“Dude, this is the best thing you can do right now, go fight KSI
and this whole Japan thing will go away.” So Logan Paul and KSI signed the contract agreeing to fight in August
And KSI’s little brother, Deji somehow gets involved, even though he’s nowhere near as strong and imposing as his brother.
Deji challenges Jake Paul, and Jake is like…
“Hell yeah, I’m gonna fight this scrawny-ass kid, are you kidding me? I get to be part of the KSI fight without any risk of losing whatsoever?
Uh, sign me the flip up.”
And they signed the contract, and then thus the four of them are off to the races.
Deji versus Jake Paul, leading up to the main fight, KSI versus Logan Paul.
And say what you will about any of these guys, but this is a groundbreaking event for YouTube.
It’s bringing a lot of legitimacy to YouTubers in the eyes of the mainstream public, and it’s really interesting to see how it’s all going down.
Now, a few days ago they had their first press conference which I don’t know,
does it count as a press conference? Where’s the press?
All I see is a bunch of kids and this very angry asian boy that they keep cutting to.
Deji comes out, and sits on the stool like a good little boy.
Jake Paul comes out in his Conor McGregor wannabe suit; starts trashing Deji,
who at this point is just contemplating what a mistake this all was.
Finally, it dawns on him that he should probably do something.
Deji: (Yelling x4) FUCK JAKE PAUL!
But the villainous snake that is Jake Paul immediately takes charge.
Jake Paul: (yelling x5) FUCK JAKE PAUL! [for god knows why]
This is such a power move by Jake Paul,
and even though I dislike him, I gotta respect his commitment and
willingness to be the villain in this story.
Then, he snatches Deji’s sunglasses and the referee guy goes…
Referee Guy: “I am going to personally buy Deji a new pair of glasses, I apologize for that.”
Deji, No. This is a mistake. You don’t know what you’re getting into.
And then Jake Paul, seemingly out of nowhere starts shouting “Walmart” over and over again.
Jake Paul: (yelling x5) WALMART!
How can, you argue with someone who keeps shouting nonsense at you?!
Hillary: That is absolutely proved over and over again.
Trump: Wrong. Wrong. WRONG.
(loud bass sound)
Then they bring out KSI,
This guy, holding his belt, is having the time of his life.
Deji finally gets a boost of confidence now
that his big brother is next to him, and KSI is like “Dude, you’re embarrassing me.”
Then Logan Paul comes on stage and the guy at the podium fist bumps him.
Now hold on a second, he didn’t fist bump KSI!
If I didn’t know any better, I would say that this guy is part of the Logang.
KSI trying to look all stoic and menacing,
but he just looks like he’s doing a duck face.
Logan Paul takes out his best stand-up material.
Logan Paul: “Looks like you grew a little dick today
but it’s a little one!”
(Seinfield theme plays)
There’s no way this could get any more cringy!
Logan Paul: “Yo, and I’m vegan, so I recognize a baby carrot when I see one!”
Jake Paul: “WaLmArT!!!!!!!!”
Then, KSI brings out some gifts for Logan.
He throws these Toy Story alien toys at him, a throwback to his infamous Japan forest hat.
But before he gets to finish talking, Jake Paul just ruins the entire bit.
*Dragon Ball Punching Sound Effect*
Jake Paul: “What the fuck is up!”
I don’t think there’s anyone on Earth as hateable as Jake Paul.
He’s like that kid in kindergarten who just bullies everyone.
But, even the teacher’s like, “This kid is a nightmare!
Sorry Billy, but you’re, gonna keep getting bullied, cuz, I’m not getting paid enough to deal with this shit.”
Then, they start pushing each other and the stage erupts in chaos.
…But fear not! Ladies and gentlemen,
Greg Paul is here to save the day!
Look at his creepy old man face.
What are you doing there? This is not about you!
So the whole thing was just a giant shit show.
But I would be lying if I said I’m not entertained.
KSI is parading his inflated ego as the champ after easily defeating Joe Weller,
Logan Paul is happy to have all the attention away from the Japan stuff and save his career,
Jake Paul just gets to be in the spotlight and pull his usual Jake Paul shenanigans.
and Deji, well…
…unfortunately Deji is in over his head.
Dude, Even RiceGum and KeemStar, both of which are friends with Deji,
do not have his back.
Keemstar: “I don’t think Deji’s ready, I don’t know.”
Ricegum: “Deji, we’re rooting for you, but like, Jake might take it.”
Keemstar: “Deji, you’re the homie. I love you to death but…
…I may have put money on the other team.”
KeemStar just admitted he has money on Jake Paul.
Like dude, what?!
So, listen. Whatever happens, this is gonna be huge!
I don’t care about any of these people. Every one of them is more successful than me, so they can all go suck a baby carrot as far as I’m concerned.
But this is an important event for social media and YouTube as a platform in particular.
Mainstream Media still treats us like garbage.
So when this boxing match gets more eyeballs than McGregor vs. Mayweather, they’re gonna go, “Oh shit, there’s something happening here!”
And for that reason alone, I’m into this in a big way.
Wilfur, we need to get tickets to this fight, because it’s gonna be lit
Wait, what? you’re already going? Who are you going with?
Jake Paul personally invited you, are you kidding me?!
You know what, I’m gonna call Deji right now, and he’s gonna invite me,
and then we’re gonna be on opposing teams, how about that?
Walmart Customer Service: “You have reached Walmart’s customer service. Our operators are currently-“
Ah, I think he’s on his lunch break.
So what do you guys think, do you care about any of this?
Who do you think is gonna win?
And do you think me and Wilfur should have a boxing match of our own?
Don’t give me that look, I’ll fuck you up, you goddamn piece of SH-