How The Bourne Identity Should Have Ended

How The Bourne Identity Should Have Ended


How The Bourne Identity Should Have Ended
(Gun shots)
Alright, that guy’s coming up the stairs.
Gotta think fast, here we go!
Jason Bourne! Ugh!
Ugh, ahh!
Ugh, this is gonna be awesome, here we go!
Haha!
Blammo. Haha yea sucka! I’m invincible!!
(Choking and gasping)
OWWWWW.
Owwwww!!!!
Oh Why did I do that?
Gah, I think I pierced a
lung!
(Choking and gasping)
Ugh Ow!
Oh why didn’t I just shoot that guy when he
got to the top of the stairs?
Oh I’m bleeding!
OW.. Ow…
Oh my arm hurts too!
Ah that was a terrible idea, Jason Bourne. (Sobbing)
Why did you do that?
Sobbing.
You though it would look cool if you like
whoa and then he was like bam and then you would walk away..
And now you’ve got broken arms and ribs…
I don’t know if I can walk again! (Sobbing)
Oh my gosh Im so embarrassed!
AHH!
(Gun shots)

100 thoughts on “How The Bourne Identity Should Have Ended”

  1. Just watched this movie again and this exact scene took me out. I think there's NO way her walked away from that 100% like he does. And he doesn't land flat on the guy. He lands knees first in between the guys legs and flails hard and only rolls after he bounces off the body. At least broken fingers or something dislocated.

  2. Yeah at least broken fingers or dislocated limbs. At least. But I say that shot would've effed him up bad. Like….bad

  3. This was my first HISHE video when this came out, its still funny even now. I still laugh so hard I cry lol.

  4. The one thing I don't get about the Bourne films. In all movies they're out to kill someone who either works/worked for them or just know about them…. But don't they eventually have to kill those who kills the first people? And then kill them.. and kill the next people.. and kill the next people.. IT NEVER STOPS!

  5. Yes, you're right, that's probably how such an idiotic stunt would have ended if every movie or book ever made was based entirely upon reality with no room for imagination or suspension of disbelief. The fact that these Blockbusters do such stupid and adrenaline-rushed scenes so often; it's what makes these franchises so incredibly affluent, beloved and memorable.

    Otherwise, I found this short quite funny and poignant in a dark, sick and twisted way.

  6. You people are super funny and i love every single one of your videos. keep ip the good work. you guys are like the youtube version of kevin hart

  7. These videos are so much better than what HISHE does now. The new videos have too many endings and too much nonsense.

  8. "why didn't I just shoot that guy when he got to the top of the stairs" I nearly shit myself laughing first time I heard this

  9. Based on the review, I probably won't see Jason Bourne because the premise makes the story seem unnecessary. I was hoping the sequel would start with a question the previous 3 movies ignored: "Why is Jason Bourne allowed to ruin the lives of all 3 main female characters and never get so much as a guilt trip from any of them?" Maybe HISHE can go where Hollywood didn't dare to and give Jason Bourne a "nightmare" where all three women start shouting things at him like: "You jerk, what am I supposed to do for a car now?" or "You almost get me killed and now I can't keep my blonde hair?" "I'll bet the villains wife gets to live in a nice house, why do I have to live in a 3rd World country?"Marie keeps sweet talking him through his nightmares, even though destroyed her car, endangered her family, and took her away from Europe and all her dreams of being an artist. Pamela Landy sends a fax (To who?) which embarrasses her CIA superiors without stopping to consider what it will mean at her next performance review. And, of course, he physically abuses Nikki twice, and almost gets her killed once, but she still cheerfully betrays the CIA and gets to spend the rest of her life in Morocco. How does he protect Marie and Nikki? By changing their hairstyles! I know, you can't have a good spy story if the female characters have the same priorities as American women but at the very least there should have been a confrontation.

  10. I want to see one were the bad guy says his dooms day bomb is something that will destroy all the evil but it actually destroys all good so the hero presses the button and destroys all good

  11. That was the funniest shit I've watched in a while and I never even seen the Bourne Identity but now I know exactly how it went in the movie lol

  12. I paid $15 dollars to see this in IMAX! When that stair stunt happened half the theater walked out! I almost made it with the hope he would die but it was just too much!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *