Ikari Warriors (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

Ikari Warriors (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)


[glass shattering]
Here’s another game I’ve had a
personal grudge with since I was a kid.
Ikari Warriors on NES.
Let’s pop this fucker in, I’ll show you how it goes.
Two guys tugging at their crotches march up to the title,
fire their guns around at nothing,
and then you pick one or two players.
Well, I’m not getting anybody to play this
shit with me, so I’m goin’ solo like usual!
Your plane crashes in the jungle, and the game begins.
First thing I have to get out of the way: Is it Rambo?
That’s what everybody called this guy, from the
time this game came out up until the present day.
He’s shirtless, runnin’ around the jungle
with a headband shooting people,
so naturally, everyone assumed he’s Rambo!
The real names depend on where you’re comin’ from:
In most of the world they’re Paul and Vince,
but in Japan they’re Ralph Jones and Clark Steel,
later to be featured in King of Fighters.
Anyway…
Ikari Warriors doesn’t seem so bad at first.
It’s a standard shoot-em-up game.
Unlike Ikari Warriors 2, when you’re on the fuckin’ moon!
[garbled NES speech]
“WELCOME!”
Did he just say “Bath time?”
[garbled NES speech]
“WELCOME!”
[imitating]
BATH TIME!
Yeah. Bath time.
There were many other versions
of this game, like on Atari!
That’s right, Ikari Atari.
I just wanted to be able to say that.
Anyway…
The frustration starts to set in real fast.
You’re surrounded by enemy soldiers, missiles
fly out of nowhere without any patterns,
landmines appear, everything explodes,
even when destroying an enemy vehicle,
you can’t be near the blast radius.
To put it simply, you die VERY easily.
An average game of Ikari Warriors
lasts maybe five minutes.
But you’re in luck! There’s a code:
A-B-B-A! It brings you back to life.
Oop, I’m dead again!
A-B-B-A!
A-B-B-A! Get used to that, you’re gonna be doin’ it a lot.
A-B-B-A.
It’s real fair when the enemy bullets
travel all the way across the screen,
but yours stop within throwing distance!
Aiming your gun is a real bitch.
Instead of firing in a straight line, it’s slightly off-center.
So how am I supposed to shoot this guy
without stepping into his line of fire?
I know the reasoning for it being off-center
is that he’s holding the gun in his right hand,
but come on! It’s a game!
Even the grenades that look like
salt shakers don’t help much.
Look at this! I can’t shoot this guy!
It’s like you have to be some kind of geometry genius
to figure out the right position to hit your target.
Fuck!
This is nothing like the smooth,
fluent control in Super Contra.
And that was NES, just as well!
Here, every time you wanna face the opposite direction,
you have to turn yourself around 180 degrees.
By the time you turn around, you’re dead!
The arcade version used a special
rotary joystick that made it more novel,
but it didn’t translate well to the NES.
Even with the code, every time you respawn,
you start at the bottom of the screen,
so if you didn’t make the screen move,
you haven’t made progress.
Just want it to go up… !
Make the screen move! Mgh! Mhgh!
Man, and the problem is you move so slow,
that’s my main gripe with this game.
It’s not horrible, it’s just tedious as fuck!
And with only one player, this is gonna take all night!
I need a second player…
A-B-B-A.
Ugh… I guess somebody needs a favor.
Yeah, I need your help. To beat a game.
– Lemme- lemme guess, a shitty game.
– Yeah, a shitty game. Ikari Warriors.
Yeah, I know that game!
– Oh yeah?
– Yeah, I know what you could do with that game too.
– Uh huh?
– Yeah, yeah…
You take the game, and you take your
ass cheeks as well, and you just…
open ’em up really wide, grease up the game
and just take it and you shove it up your ass!
I’m not helping you! Besides, you
never play my theme song anymore!
Yeah, the theme song… I thought
people were gettin’ tired of that!
You thought wrong!
Yeah… I know!
Alright, so if we do the theme song,
will you play the game with me?
– Fine.
– Alright!
Let’s do this. Play the song.
– ♫ Do Mi So Mi Do ♫
– Play the song.
[coughing]
Play the fuckin’ song!!
♫ He’s gonna take you back to the past ♫
♫ to play some shitty games that suck ass ♫
♫ He’d rather have a buffalo ♫
♫ take a diarrhea dump in his ear ♫
♫ He’d rather eat the rotten asshole ♫
♫ of a roadkilled skunk and down it with beer ♫
♫ He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard ♫
♫ He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd ♫
♫ He’s the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd ♫
♫ He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd ♫
Okay, Ikari Warriors! You know what Ikari means?
– What?
– Anger!
– Wow.
– Yeah, in Japan, and… it depends on–
– Do you know what Warrior means?
– Warrior? No.
– Brave soldier or fighter?
– Brave soldier or figher.
GUITAR GUY: So who is this guy, Rambo?
NERD: Well if he’s Rambo, then who’s the other guy?
GUITAR GUY: Arnold Schwarzenegger?
NERD: Which movie?
GUITAR GUY: Commando.
That would be a fuckin’ awesome movie!
John Matrix and John Rambo, together at last!
Of course it would be “Rambo and Commando!”
Say that three times fast!
BOTH: Rambo Commando, Rambo
Commando, Rambo Commando!
NERD: You died, hit A-B-B-A, that’s how you come back.
NERD: Oh, you died again! A-B-B-A!
NERD: A-B-B-A!
– That’s all you fuckin’ do in this game is hit A-B-B-A!
– Pretty much!
NERD: Don’t bother killin’ anybody, just keep goin’ up,
you just wanna get that screen to move, just keep goin’!
GUITAR GUY: So slow!
NERD: Yeah, we’ll be old men by the time we make it there!
GUITAR GUY: Go! GO!!
NERD: I know it’s basic instincts,
but pressing the D-pad really, really hard…
UURGGH!
… doesn’t make you move any faster.
GUITAR GUY: Why’s everybody dancing
like a ballerina when they die?
NERD: I dunno, they just… I mean,
why do you spin around when you die?
Why’s that guy spazzin’ out,
it looks like he’s having a seizure.
Ha ha ha… uh, yeah, it’s a glitch.
NERD: What’s the point of the bridge when
you move just as slow as in the water?
GUITAR GUY: They’re good swimmers.
But… they’re slow as ass on the bridge!
They’re bad walkers!
[laughing]
NERD: Get in the tank, get in the tank!
Aw c’mon, why do I get the pink tank?
GUITAR GUY: Why do I get the baby blue tank?
NERD: Those are great camouflage colors!
NERD: Every time you think you’re
gonna get in the tank, it explodes!
Boom! Look, there goes the tank!
Boom! There goes the tank!
And when you do get in the tank, all it does
is give you a false sense of invincibility.
You have to keep collecting these fuel
canisters or else the tank runs out of gas,
and when it runs out of gas, it explodes!
Why would it explode if it runs out of gas?!
– Does that make any sense to you?
– Not to me.
– Alright, you wanna get some beer?
– Not… not particularly.
– Well, if you drive, I’ll drink it.
– I’m sure you will.
Oh, shit! We forgot to get gas!
It’s on- it’s on empty!
– Wh– what should we do?!
– Get out of the car! Go! Go! Go!
– Does this level ever end?!
– That’s right, we’re still playing the first level!
NERD: You could beat Contra in the time it
takes you to beat one fucking stage here!
GUITAR GUY: I’m sick of staring at the same terrain!
NERD: Yeah, it looks like we’re walking on a
giant chocolate chip cookie. Growin’ mold!
GUITAR GUY: Chocolate chip cookie
that fell out of somebody’s ass.
NERD: [laughing] Why would it
have been in someone’s ass?
NERD: Alright, well this has to be the end,
once we get to the other side of this bridge…
GUITAR GUY: Nope.
NERD: Oh my god, it’s still goin’ on…
Okay, w- well, the boss! Once we
defeat the boss that’s gotta be the end!
It’s still going!
This is a fuckin’ marathon!
This is one level… this is the longest
level in video game history!
Is there, like, a- a checkpoint or something? It’s just…
It just goes on! And on! And on!
– And that fucking music! Please stop!!
– Yeah.
GUITAR GUY: Okay… I’ve had enough of this,
I think I’m gonna blow my brains out.
NERD: Just… hang in there, okay?
GUITAR GUY: I don’t think having two
players is speeding this up at all!
NERD: Oh, finally! Level 2!
NERD: It’s the same fuckin’ thing!
It’s– I mean– well, same terrain, the music is the same…
GUITAR GUY: I think I’m stuck.
NERD: You’re not stuck! Stop foolin’ around!
NERD: Get outta there!
GUITAR GUY: I’m trying!
NERD: You’re really stuck!
GUITAR GUY: Just– just kill me!
NERD: I’m trying, that’s what I’m trying to do!
GUITAR GUY: No, kill me for real!
Wait, wait, if we just wait for
one of these missiles to come…
There we go! Alright, we’re back in business, now…
Oh shit! You respawned inside of another rock!
I’ve had it with this fuckin’ game,
I’m gonna blow my fuckin’ brains out!
A-B-B-A!
– Aw, fuck!
– Yeah, you’re right. Havin’ two players doesn’t help much.
Get me outta this couch, you damn Nintendo dork!
Yeah! Made it to Level 3!
And finally, it looks different!
But the music’s still the same.
Anyway, it looks so different, it’s like you stepped
out of the jungle and into the Twilight Zone.
Look at all the white chocolate bars and scrotum guns!
♫ White chocolate bars and scrotum guns… ♫
Wait, I don’t remember the
episode with the scrotum guns,
but the one with the gremlin
on the wing was pretty good.
NERD: Ah, I’m stuck! What’s holding me back?!
Oh, I get it, it’s the green pipes,
you can’t walk through ’em,
but you can walk over the yellow pipes, and the
yellow pipes seem to be ABOVE the green pipes,
so the layout just doesn’t make any sense!
That’s because Mario goes through the green pipes.
Oh, so– so Mario’s going through there, yeah?
Well then who goes through the yellow pipes? Luigi?
Don’t be stupid, shit goes through there!
NERD: Even the bad guys hover inside the walls!
Anything goes with this game!
And look at these guys! Hiding
inside barrels of flammable liquid!
If you’re in a gun war, would you hide
inside a barrel of flammable liquid?!
Better than hidin’ behind a fuckin’
couch for all these goddamn years!
NERD: The layout of this stage is unsuitable for a tank.
You can’t even use the tank! Look, I’m stuck in the water!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Tank in the water, can’t get out! ♫
♫ Pink motherfuckin’ tank! ♫
NERD: And you can’t shoot people who are up on a wall!
GUITAR GUY: Really?
NERD: I guess I’m gonna have
to go through the doorway.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Sounds pretty normal if you ask me ♫
NERD: Yeah, that’s real fair.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ It’s not fair at all… ♫
NERD: And if you get the helicopter, you’ll
be lucky if you can keep it for two seconds!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ That’s a really bad rental ♫
NERD: The enemies explode now, by the way.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Spontaneous combustion ♫
NERD: A hidden bomb under
the doorway! That’s real fair!
♫ That kinda sucks ♫
NERD: And is it just me, or are my
bullets going through people?
I can’t seem to hit anybody! Urgh!
NERD: Nrg– fuck!!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ It’s another shitty game ♫
NERD: Look at this, my bullets
are going right through ’em!
My bullets are going right through ’em!
Look at this!! Mrgh! Mrrgh! Uurrgh!!
Yeah! Finally!
♫ It’s a game of life ♫
♫ A-B-B-A ♫
♫ It will bring you back today if you want it to ♫
NERD: A-B-B-A!
NERD: A-B-B-A!!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ A-B-B-A ♫
NERD: FUCK!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ It will save you today ♫
NERD: It didn’t save me now!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ And bring you back to life ♫
Apparently near the end of Level 3,
A-B-B-A stops working.
♫ … didn’t save him today ♫
Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do:
First we’re gonna use Game Genie to get infinite
lives, then we’re gonna use a stage select code.
That way we can go back to Level 3
and continue our fuckin’ game.
You can find the code in the classic book,
How To Win At Nintendo.
Now, check out this code.
Right before the title screen, press:
Up, Down, A, A, B, Left, Right, A, B, Up,
A, Down, Right, Right, Left, B, Up,
Left, A, Right, B, Left, Right, A, Left,
Up, A, Down, A, Right, Left, B, Select!
What were they thinking?! Why’s the
code have to be so fuckin’ long?!
And according to the book, you have to punch
it all in right before the title comes up!
Up, Down, A, A, B, Left, Right, B, A,
B, Up, A, Down, Right… ugh, fuck!
♫ Up, Down, A, B, Left, Right, ♫
♫ A, B, Up, A, Down, Right, ♫
♫ Left, B, Up, Left, A, Right, ♫
♫ B, Left, Right, A, Left, Up… ♫
So I’m faster than greased lightning now, I can pull off
the whole code before the title screen comes up!
But turns out the book was wrong.
To really find out how to do the code,
you check out the VHS tape:
Secret Video Game Tricks, Codes and Strategies!
Yeah, I used to rent this fucker
from the video store all the time.
But anyway, the real way to do the code
is DURING the title screen, not before it.
Let’s try again.
♫ Up, Down, A, A, B, Left, ♫
♫ Right, A, B, Up, A, Down, ♫
♫ Right, Right, Left, B, Up, Left, ♫
♫ A, Right, B, Left, Right, A, ♫
♫ Left, Up, A, Down, A, Right, ♫
♫ Left, B and Start ♫
NERD: So here we are, back in Level 3.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ We might be past the scrotum guns ♫
♫ But I haven’t forgot them ♫
♫ Because they are so hairless ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
(ooh!)
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
NERD: Oh, fuck! I’m stuck!
I’m barricaded by all these green pipes!
That means I have no choice but to
reset the game and put the code in again.
♫ Up, Down, A, A, B, Left, ♫
♫ Right, A, B, Up, A, Down… ♫
NERD: Ooh, red carpet! I smell boss!
O… kay, I guess I’m at the final boss,
and it’s a… dead guy sittin’ behind a desk.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Dead guy behind a desk looks so… ♫
♫ … dead. ♫
NERD: Okay, he’s even deader now because I just
blew him into oblivion, but now what do I do?
Where am I supposed to go?!
According to this book, you have to
bomb the floor and a staircase appears.
Bomb the floor and a staircase
appears, yeah that’s really great,
how the fuck would anybody figure that out?!
NERD: Alright, just bombin’ the floor here…
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Bombin’ the floor! Bombin’ the floor! ♫
NERD: And all the missiles are comin’ down!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Bombin’ the floor! Bombin’ the floor! ♫
Let a guy look for a staircase in peace!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Bombin’ the floor! Bombin’ the floor! ♫
NERD: Alright, there we go.
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Floor is bombed! ♫
Aaand… Level 4? Really?
Alright, is this the last stage?
– Uh… this says it is.
– Alright, classic!
Instead of many stages offering lots of variety,
just have four really long, boring-ass stages!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ Guys dancin’ around,
guys stuck in walls… ♫
♫ Tanks gettin’ blown up… ♫
♫ Pink fortress fuck ♫
♫ Rambo, Commando ♫
♫ Where are you when I need you? ♫
♫ You motherfucker, you’re stuck in the wall again ♫
♫ Guys dancin’ around wearin’ pink suits ♫
♫ and baby blue sky suits ♫
♫ I just wanna ask you… the fuck is wrong with you? ♫
♫ Who picked out your outfit?! ♫
NERD: Anyway, the last stage is hard as fuck!
I hate these guys who swim underwater!
You can’t shoot them when they’re submerged,
and they’re too fast to outrun!
What are these, human beings or fucking torpedoes?
♫ Throw milk at them, just try it, it might work ♫
Also, they run over the islands like it’s nothing,
but if I try to do that, look how slow I am!
And if you go under a doorway,
you can count on there being a bomb there!
That’s REAL fair!
Like look at this, I’m gonna go through the doorway, how
much you wanna bet there’s gonna be a bomb there?
– Let’s see.
– Here it comes… here it comes!
NERD: Boom! See?
♫ Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb ♫
♫ These pink motherfuckin’ ta-a-anks ♫
♫ They’re makin’ love to all the scrotum guns ♫
♫ It’s a different part in the game, you haven’t
noticed it yet, but it’s a level that’s hidden ♫
♫ Just trust me ♫
♫ You motherfuckin’ Nintendo dork ♫
♫ Don’t question me ♫
♫ I live behind the couch ♫
♫ I live behind the couch ♫
♫ And now I’m back in front of the
couch, and I saw scrotum guns! ♫
♫ And they’re hairless… ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? Sing it with me! ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
♫ I asked Rambo, Commando, Rambo,
Commando, where did their hair go? ♫
NERD: Now here’s the real final boss!
Just some weird… robot face on a wall,
looks like Skeletor’s cousin or… something.
You just throw a few grenades at it…
and that’s it! There you have Ikari Warriors!
♫ Beat the game, congratulations Nerd ♫
Now let’s see how bad this ending sucks!
GUITAR GUY: ♫ You have accomplished the mission ♫
♫ You are the very prevailer that
protect right and justice ♫
♫ I would express my sincere. Thanks to you ♫
♫ Take good rest! General Kawasaki ♫
– Get back behind the couch.
– ♫ He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd ♫
GUITAR GUY: ♫ But I never forget them,
they just look too hairless to me… ♫
♫ Where did their hair go? ♫
[laughter]
I told you! That’s the chorus!
♫ Where did their hair go ♫
[offscreen laughter]

100 thoughts on “Ikari Warriors (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)”

  1. the reason the tank explodes when it runs out of fuel is because in real life the crew would scuttle the tank from getting into the hands of the enemy.

  2. Though this episode has now transitioned into being an AVGN classic…
    To me, this one pisode in particular has always managed to feel new.
    It's kinda like DOOM 3

  3. When people stop liking your videos do you just blast on youtube that someone else is copying your stuff to stay relevant?

  4. Legend has it that James never returned the video for game cheats & syragies & kept the fucking thing be aye of this shitty fucking game!.

  5. This is still my favorite AVGN episode. I always loved the back and forth between James and Kyle there should've been more like this, other than just Ikari Warriors and Battletoads.

  6. I´ve seen a lot of Nerd episodes, but this is one of the kind! I had to comment something because this episode is brutal

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