Matt Jenkins performing at Valley Forge Casino

Matt Jenkins performing at Valley Forge Casino


I saw this sign the other day
that said “Drive like your kids live here”.
So I drove as fast as I could in the opposite direction.
I used to work at a warehouse before doing this.
Has anyone here ever worked at a warehouse?
I feel like you guys look like you own warehouses.
I used to work them.
I didn’t really care for the
job.
But sometimes a warehouse job, it can be an easier job to get
because you don’t need a whole lot of different skills to work at a warehouse.
I remember the day I applied. I went in and I asked the boss where the applications were.
He’s like, “They’re over there under that box”.
I go over there, and lift up the box. He’s like “Congratulations, you got the job”.
It was stressful.
But you wouldn’t think a warehouse job would be stressful, right.
But you know the job is stressful, when just to make it through the day, you start humming Negro spirituals
and your white coworkers join in.
That’s how you know.
Anyone here vote? I don’t care who for, but did you guys vote?
People always talk about how voting is so important, and you have to vote
and if you don’t vote you can’t complain.
That’s why now I just vote so that I can complain.
I don’t even care what it’s about.
Like, my girlfriend’s like “Matt, can you please stop whining about washing the dishes”.
I’m like “Whoa, Stop Right there.”
“I Voted.”
So much stuff going on now. A lot of people are protesting different things.
Like the pipeline, women’s rights, or protesting against police brutality.
I thought I was peacefully protesting the other day with about 100 other people,
but it turns out, I was just waiting in line at Chipotle.
It’s all I was doing.
This might not be the right room for this joke, but Hey, I’m going to do it.
Get Ready.
I feel like a lot of young black people
are wrongfully imprisoned.
That’s why if I ever have a kid, I want to name them ‘Case Dismissed’
The Judge is like, “State of Pennsylvania vs. Case Dismissed”
“Agh, You’re free to go son. Free to go, Your dad got me.”
People are protesting in a lot of different ways now, too.
I saw this dude, who was wearing this shirt
that had the word ‘nigger’ with a line through it,
and below that, the word ‘nigga’ with a line through it,
and below that, the word ‘neither’, with a check mark.
Which I thought was a really shocking shirt to wear
for a Korean guy.
I’m glad you guys were on board with that joke.
I wasn’t sure. Right when I said the N-word I was like, “I shouldn’t have done this one.”
There’s a lot of stereotypes about black people though, right?
Like black people not being able to swim,
or growing up without their father.
unfortunately, guys, in my case those are actually both true.
My father drowned trying to teach me how to swim.
He’s like, “Why brother?” “Why’d you have to say that?” This guy’s an olympic swimmer.
A lot of times when people are locked up, they’ll end up getting their college degree in prison
which I think is great. But, it’s about the time right now,
where college is so expensive, that prison may soon be an affordable option.
It’s like, “Dad I got some news for you, I
got into the State Penitentiary”
In 4 years I’ll have my sociology degree
and in at least another 20, I’ll be able to use it.
I feel like, if I were on death row guys, I would want my last meal to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Just so I could go out on my own terms, thanks to my peanut allergy.

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