(Jazzy trumpet solo)
– I invested, like… ten
thousand dollars into Tesla…
– Welcome to the Ten Minute Power Hour!
It’s Danny! And Arin!
– It’s me, Arin, and Danny!
– (chuckles) It’s meeeee.
– It’s Danny…
– and Arin.
– (Danny chuckles)
A-R-I-N lost about ten
thousand dollars on T-E-S-L-A.
– (Arin laughs)
– What are we doing today, Arin?
– I don’t know. Well, first, this has to go away.
– Why? Why can’t we just leave it?
– Because it’s in the way.
– Okay, well–
– That’s the whole gag,
that in the first episode, I’m like,
“This is in the way”, so I smack it away.
– Alright, let’s do something now!
*Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut*
So, what are we doing today, Arin?
– Oh! It’s fucking games!
They’re not pre-opened!
– I opened them right now!
The fun game where mmmmm…
– You–Y–You press it!
You press it and it goes “BZZZT”
and then everyone screams,
and then you go home and you have
a GHOST in your house forever!
– That’s not what happens.
You-what happens is you–you try to pull
plastic pieces out of this
plus size nude man
and with—and if you touch the sides
with–with this conductor,
his nose lights up (game buzzes) and
you LOSE–you fucking lose!
And you can just…
(Danny revving his scooter)
– We’re also playing Uno Dare.
– Uno Dare.
– Which we’re playing at the same time?
– Dan, hear how it work?
– Yeah, why don’t you tell me?
– For me to be communicate to you,
– (Dan lightly chuckles) Uh-huh.
– talking to you through mouth–
– You sound like someone
ready to perform an operation
on a dying man.
– Say word to you! Communicate word!
Have word to you say!
– This guy’s my boss.
– Do dare from card!
– Also, during dare, do operate.
– (Danny) Mhm.
– (Arin) One, two, two, three,
three, four, four,
Five… six… seven…
Seven is seven.
– (both) Good.
– Put the-this card…
and then the game starts!
– Okay, so–
– And you go first because I was the dealer.
– Alright, so I have to put
– No. Do you not understand Uno?
– No. Explain it to me in ten seconds.
– Oh my God.
(Sped up audio)
– Oh, fuck, I have to draw.
Oh, God! Oh! God, really?
– And then you have to put that card down.
– Ooh, God, I have so many cards! Alright.
– Oh, you’re screwed.
– Dare, motherfucka!
– Either you draw two cards
or you choose a dare. – Okay.
– It’s dare number seven.
– Okay. Uh…
– What’s dare number seven?
– (Ally off-screen) It depends on which list.
– I’ll take family.
– Family for 500!
Dare number seven is:
“Let someone mess up your hair.”
– While you’re doing an operation.
– Oh, well, okay, and I have to
operate on his “spare ribs.”
– Okay, here we go.
– Oh, wait, hold on, no no, not yet, okay.
(groans and screams)
Wait—ah! NO! S-Stop!
(Arin) But, you fail if you hit the sides!
(Dan) Immediately fail?!
(Arin) That’s the–yes, you’ve failed!
(Dan) Can I get one more shot?
ah *BZZT* AHHHHH fuck, alright, fine! Fine! I failed!
Is everyone happy? Is everyone happy? He’s dead.
*Arin making gross squishy noises* There’s a little bit of Jew-y residue in the hair today. I have to…yeah you could.
(Dan) Plus two OR choose dare 12.
FUCK! I’m gonna do dare 12, on “show off”.
Dare 12 is: “talk like a super villain until your next turn.”
Oh, and you have to get a “pulled muscle.”
– Oh, fuck that noise!
– Yup. Do it.
(In super villain voice) Well, it has been far too long, Superman.
For I am about to pull your rubber band, and it is going to be HOT.
Dan: Man, this is horse shit!
Arin: -and wet
Dan: You actually got to toil with my head. Arin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha! YOU FOOL!
Alright, Jesus Christ.
The pulled muscle is mine!
(Arin’s normal voice) Blue.
I mean, I-I don’t have to call it, it’s just–
Dan: Or choose dare number sixteen!
hUUUUUUUUooooH I’m gonna do dare number sixteen!
I’m gonna do *spooky voice* daredevil.
“Correctly guess the color of the top card of the draw pile.”
WHILST getting “writer’s cramp.”
Uh, so you have to get the pencil out of his forearm.
Um, I think the color of the draw pileeeee issss
No $300–this is actually–this actually really works as a game.
(Woman off screen) It’s great, right?
Boom! So, that’s the other–that goes the other way, right?
But it doesn’t matter, so, just…go.
Okay, so boom!
You sTUpid aSShole!
You’re a real pRicK today, YOU KNOW THAT?
I’m gonna fuCKing kill you one day and I’m gonna fucking stab you in the heart
Plus two or choose dare number one.
I’ll choose dare number one on “show off”!
“Act like a dog until your next turn.”
And, I have to do so while getting “water on the knee!”
Hold on, I have to–
– It’s a whole bucket, see?
– Oh, I have to bring it out, because it was all way up in there.
– Uh, I consider that kind of cheating, but okay.
– It was, like, up in his junk!
– Oh, i’m soRRY, do you fucking shuffle a PATIENT around
while your’re doing an actual operation? Act like a dog.
– Don’t half-heart this!
– *Dan ruffs, then growls.*
– Pant for me!
– *Dan pants*
– oH, sHIT!
– Waggin’ my taiiiillll!
(Woman off screen) A dog would have eaten it.
(Same woman off screen) A real dog would have eaten that bone.
Yeah, the dog would’ve eaten it.
*Dan spits out piece*
(Arin) Yeah–and, uh, green.
Uhhhh—uhhhh, okay. Uh, I guess I have to choose,
Number five. (-Number five)
*Arin starts to beatbox Mambo No. 5*
…cuz it’s Mambo No. 5.
Yeah, I got it.
“Dance like a ballerina until your next turn.”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
So, dance like a ballerina, Dan!
WHILST removing the Adam’s apple.
Yeah, do that thing where you–
Hold on, hold on, can we just get confirmation
that the Adam’s apple isn’t even visible
(Dan) so we have to shake it out a little bit.
(Arin) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU HAVE TO GO IN AND GRAB IT!
THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS!
BRO, I already have to dance like a ballerina.
Well, I’m sORRY, *YOU* chose the daredevil one!
Do that one-legged shit.
Yeah, and then get it.
You’re holding yourself up.
You can’t–you can’t–there you go.
WHAT? Are you out of your mind??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN AM I OUT OF MY MIND?
YOU’RE TRYING TO ACT LIKE A BALLERINA!
YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PICKED DAREDEVIL!
God, it’s not even possible–okay, just. Get it. Get it!
(Dan) Uh huh.
(still Dan) Uh huh.
(Dan again) This is horse shit.
I had to fucking dance!
What does that mean?
That’s “skip-a-turn” so you go again.
“Skip-a-turn.” You go again.
Okay, well, that I can–okay.
Choose a dare! It’s fucking…yellow.
It doesn’t even matter, I mean, I have every fucking card
in the world.
I’ll do show off.
Show off for three.
“Pretend you are underwater.”
…and get out his “wrenched ankle.”
There you go.
(Dan) *Blubbing noises*
You can’t stop!
You have to keep BluBluBlu-ing!
*Blub mode* oh, fuck.
Don’t touch me right now.
Aw, your hair’s going up!
What?? What did I do?
You’re touchin’ my hair like a fucking phrenologist
and it’s makin’ me all uncomfortable and I can’t touch his
goddamn “wrench knee” and I have to be underwater
and a dog and a ballerina–it’s fucking stupid!
Uhhhh, fuck you, still my turn.
Those are so unhelpful.
(Arin) Yeah, it sucks, don’t it?
(Dan) Yeah, it does suck.
(Arin) Ah, fucking damn.
Oh yeah? Check this out.
Dare number four, baby!
Alright, uh, give me dare number four for daredevil.
Oooo, gettin’ fuckin’ saucy over here.
“Stand on one foot.”
WHILST “butterflies in the stomach.”
And this one you can’t fuckin’ have your hand on the table.
FUCK, man, you never seen a ballerina?
Alright, alright, alright.
“Butterflies in the stomach.”
No, friendly butterfly!
*sinister* Give me your head.
*Arin’s gross mouth noises*
give me…your head!!
*”OHHHH” and “YEAHHH” respectively*
Alright, that’s another five hundred dollars!
I’ve made a thousand–
*Dan laughs* I’ve made a thousand dollars!
*Arin’s Gollum voice* Giiive meee….LIFE!
OR choose dare number two!
I WILL DO IT!
What’s dare number two?
(Woman off screen, then on screen) Dare number 2. “Operate while untying and taking a shoe off
with the other hand.”
That sounds impossible!
And you’re going for–oh, the wishbone.
Yeah, the wishbone.
Oh, fuck oFF the wishbone!
The hardest one.
(Arin) Untying is as easy… as pulling…
You’ve gotta finish it before you–*BZZT*
NOOOO! Fuck OFF! This sucks!
I didn’t wanna take my shoe off anyway.
Stupid asshole shoe-taking-off
That’s a dick move, Ally!
*Arin gasps* What does that mean?
It means I have one card left.
But do we do anything?
No, just keep going.
OR choose dare number six!
FUCK what’s dare number six, dammit?
(Off screen) “Operate while another player draws cards however
many they draw while you operate you add to your hand.”
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
NOOOOO you gotta do it one at a time!
Uh huh, uh huh.
Uhhhh “broken heart”!
Broken heart, okay. And…go.
I GOT IT!
I got it!
Boy, that was fast.
You got four cards.
Goddammit. Alright, alright, alright, whore.
Aw, bam! Choose dare! Eleven.
(Still offscreen) “Do all three of the other number eleven dare cards
at the same time.”
What the fuck?
What are they?
“Baby talk until your next turn.”
“No laughing until your next turn.”
“Draw exactly ten cards from the draw pile in one grab.”
Now, what do I have to get?
And you have to do operation ON THE WISHBONE!
the FUCKING WISHBONE!!
JESUS, come on!
Oh, like a baby!
Like a baby. And no laughing!
Goo goo. Ga ga.
*baby voice* I going to get wishbone.
Exactly ten cards. Oh, you laughed!
I didn’t laugh.
*baby voice* I’m going to–*bzzt* FUCK
How fucking–*bzzt bzzt*–I GOT IT.
Fuck you, Operation boy.
Okay. That was a good one.
No, it wasn’t.
It was stupid.
*Dan laughs* EAT SHIT MOTHERFUCKA!
Alright, oh my god.
I know you love green!
Ugh, dare number one.
(Off screen) “Operate with your non-dominate hand.”
It’s in a very awful place.
Don’t shake it around!
Those are your own rules!
(Dan) Ya dingleberry.
(Arin) I didn’t shake it around, I just moved the board
to get better–*bzzzt*
*Dan laughs* *Arin slams the board against the table*
Fuckin’ Operation SUCKS!
Ooo, you shook out the funny bone.
And the wish bone.
That’s all you had to do was just throw ’em around a little.
Annnd the spare ribs!
Okay, do you want to keep going for one more minute?
What was it?
Fuck you with your red!
Your red sucks!
You’re a sucky friend!
(Arin) Never looking out for your friends in a cool way.
Just try to screw ’em over every turn.
Oh my god.
Boom! Dare number five!
*Clears throat off screen* “Operate and then successfully put the organ/body part
back without buzzing it.”
Is it “Water on the kneeeeee?”
It’s a whole bucket, see?
A “Charlie horse,” it’s true.
Get out of my face! I can feel your breath!
I’m the doctor for you! *Dan laughs*
I’m comin’ around.
I’m comin’ around.
Gotta get that angle.
Get that angle, bro.
Angle of the dangle.
It’s directly proportional to the heat of my meat.
How does anyone win at UNO???
Seven. It’s number seven.
This is the last one.
Okay, this is it.
(Off, no wait, On screen) “Operate while giving a satisfying high five to another player.”
I wonder who.
(Back off screen) Satisfying one.
It has to be satisfying.
You know what I mean.
And I have to get the funny bone.
I would say you have to be in and grabbing it and then give the high five.
I’m the one who makes the rules.
That’s not satisfying.
I feel satisfied by that shit!
OW OW OW OW OW OW OW
BUZZ buzz buzz buzz Buzz buZZ
Let’s count ’em up, Arin!
*Buzzes into oblivion*
How about….we come up with a scoring system–
–that allows you to win?
How many cards you have, too.
Okay, so like, every card subtracts…ten dollars?
(Off screen) Sure.
(Someone else off screen) Sure? Okay.
Sounds good to me.
You should have said a hundred.
Well, a hundred is a lot.
Yeah, it is a lot.
Okay, so I have $2,400 in rescued bones.
twel–uhhh…how do I math?
Six plus seven–hold on, I can do it!
It’s not thirteen hundred, it’s one thousand three hundred, stupid.
And then minus, so…
2,400 and then.
Minus ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty,
seventy, eighty, ninety, one hundred, one ten, one twenty,
one thirty, one forty. So,
That was the worst number to choose.
I ended up with 2,260.
What about fifty dollars? *Giggles*
Fifty, one hundred, one hundred-fifty, two hundred,
three hundred, four hundred, five hundred, six hundred,
seven hundred. 2,400-700 isssss uh 1,700.
So one thousand-seven hundred.
Which is still more than you could possibly have.
One hundred…*dan laughs*
Danny wins! Hooray!
Oh, man. Well, thank you so much for joining us.
Uh, I was victorious. The patient died!
He died LONG ago.
I think he was dead when he got here.
Yeah, D.O.A. (Dead on arrival)
I hope for his sake he was.
(Dan pretending to be the puppet) Next time on the Ten Minute Power Hour!
Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s bad puppetry.
(Definitely the puppet) Next time on the Ten Minute Power Hour!
TELL US WHAT YOU WANT IN THE COMMENTS
GIVE US A COMMENT DOWN THERE
AND EVERYONE’S HAPPY FOR YOU!
*Soothing ending music*