Peeing Yourself

Today’s word of the day is micturate
Did you come here to listen to me talk about juvenile topics and tell bad puns? Well, URINE luck!
You didn’t?
Aww, that really PISSES me off.
You all read the title!
You know what this video’s gonna be about! Pee ing yourself.
[Background voice] JAMES IS OUT OF IDEAS SO HE WAS A WEIRD PERS- oh wait
In my adult life, I’ve had so many close calls to not making it to the toilet.
I’m surprised I haven’t peed my pants more often.
One time when I was in college I was walking home from campus and I sorta had that feeling that I needed to go.
I thought I could make it back to my dorm but then I-I just couldn’t hold it. So I just started booking it back home.
Apparently running makes it so you pee faster though.
But, I burst through the front door and I just went straight for the bathrooms, and it was close;
Very, very close.
But I made it.
If the front door was locked, I dunno what I would have done.
Another time I had a close call was when I was playing Pokemon Go.
It was pretty similar to the first story.
more like Piss-a~
Nevermind! My nether regions don’t have a clean record.
There have been times when I was a kid and I soiled my britches.
Before I tell you stories about my childhood, according to my Mom, I was potty trained VERY easily. *dabs*
Now I have no memory of this, but apparently every time me and my twin sister went to the the bathroom in the toilet, we got M&M’s.
And my twin sister, bless her soul, was having some trouble learning how to do it.
So instead I just shared my M&Ms (SKITTLES) with her and no one was happy.
Except it’s been 20 years and she’s still not potty trained.
I’m still giving her M&Ms (SKITTLES ARGHHHHHHHHH) to this day.
I’ve had a couple of…
“accidents” happen when I was in elementary school.
I don’t promise…
The first time I peed my pants in class, I was in the twelfth grade.
My first grade teacher was just a humongous…
Just a humongous…
Literally! She was pregnant!
For the first 9 months of my first grade career,
I had to deal with this pregnant person and even as a little tiny six-year old, I hated her!
Now I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that we were probably ornery little six-year olds…
but I wouldn’t expect six-year olds to be well behaved.
So why would you get a pregnant person who feels sick
all the time to be our teacher?
Was it because she couldn’t afford maternity leave?
One day she threw up in a trash can right in front of us,
and we all just sat there not really doing or saying anything.
I made a video about this a long time ago, but
one time my twin sister got injured on a trampoline and she had to be in a wheelchair
for a couple of months; that happened while we were in
first grade. So one time when we were in class there was a fire drill, and a
teacher told my sister she had to get out of the wheelchair.
Now, she could get out of the chair. Her legs worked
just fine, it was her back that was injured.
But, I mean, what if she was actually bound to that wheelchair?
Do we not have an escape route for the disabled?
What? You need that chair to move around?
But, It gets worse.
To get out of the school, we had to go up these stairs.
And I was helping my sister walk up them
You know, because the doctor told her she shouldn’t be walking at all
And my teacher saw this
She knew my sister was in a wheelchair two minutes ago
And she said:
[Teacher] “DON’T HELP HER!!”
You know when you are a little kid
and you think that adults know everything
and always tell you to do the right thing
that should be my first clue that…
What a female dog!
Not just that,
A pregnant female dog!
So one day, I ask the teacher if I can go to the bathroom
And can you guess what she said?
She said: “No”
I forget the exact circumstances,
Because guess what?
They can!
And they will!
That hand raise?
That’s not really asking for permission.
That’s giving you a warning.
I raised my hand a second time
Tiny James: “Uhh, do you remember when you told me I couldn’t go to the bathroom?”
Well… We have a bigger problem now.
Agh! I wish I knew curse words back then.
You know, that kid that was inside my teacher’s belly?
Could be watching this right now
And have no idea…
…How stupid their mom is.
This is why I’m never getting pregnant
The second time I peed myself
I forgot what grade I was in.
Hopefully I was still in first grade.
It definitely wasn’t twelfth grade.
But this time it was at recess.
And I didn’t know if you could go to the bathroom at recess.
I thought the school was locked up.
So I had to really go to the bathroom… And I did.
And all my classmates thought that I peed myself and I told them:
-NOoO, I was drinking water
and the water rolled down my face
and all congregated in my groin region.
Which, if I was going to lie
I could just say that I spilled water on my pants.
No one believed me except for one person:
My twin sister.
I knew saving her in that fire drill was a good move.
But yeah, everyone else was right, I did…
…Micturate myself
*game show music comes on*
*Chair creaks*
Let’s talk.
I’m gonna tell you something I thought I would take to my grave.
So if we ever meet each other in real life,
you’re not allowed to make fun of me for this.
I was good going to the toilet when I was conscious.
But being unconscious…
I… I was uncontrollable
If we count the total times in my life that I had an accident,
Then… there’s too many to count
There were many days when I would wake up to wet bed sheets, then I’d have to change my sleep position and try and get some more sleep.
The worst part about wetting the bed
is that you have no control over it.
You’re gambling every time you go to sleep.
There were some things I would try to help me not wet myself.
One thing were these things called ‘GoodNites’.
They were pretty much diapers with a bigger kid on the package.
Your life hits a low point when you have to wear diapers for a second time.
I would hate putting this things on
because they’re totally stupid!
And I’m eight years old!
I don’t need diapers!
I literally never slept with them on
I would take them off every night before I go to bed.
I hated those things.
I rather pee my pants than wear a diaper.
So since I didn’t like those I tried this alarm thing
which I also hated.
You put a clamp on your underpants
and you put this thing called an alarm unit
right next to your face,
and you’d sleep with this contraption of uncomfortableness on you.
And if you started to pee,
that would trigger the alarm which would blast a loud noise in your face
and that was suppose to wake you up like,
The problem was… that every time the alarm went off I was too tired to remember what was going on.
So I would just think
-What the heck?
-I need to get this loud noise away from me!
And I would just rip off the alarm and throw it away and go back to sleep without realising what I was doing.
Sorta of like what I do now with a real alarm.
Then I go back to bed
Wake up in the morning and realise…
That’s why the alarm went off.
Then later I got some pills from some doctor.
I don’t remember what was in them
But every time I had a pill
I wouldn’t wet the bed
But then one day I ran out of pills
I still went to bed tho
And I woke up with clean sheets.
And I never wet the bed again after that.
I grew out of it.
So if any of you watching right now are bedwetters…
There’s a pill for that.
Solves all yo’ problems, baby.
I know this video has a weird subject matter,
but let’s be realistic.
It’s a part of life.
Everyone poops or pees their pants at some point.
And if you haven’t
Well… That just means you have something to look for too when you’ll be really old.
In case you didn’t know I’m at PAX south right now.
Unless you’re watching this video after this weekend.
I was really crunched for time getting the drawing done so I had my friend Spechie
help color some of the pictures.
Except she did too good of a job coloring,
and they’re all way too detailed for my style.
Like… Like look at this bed!
I can’t use this!
I only use five colors tops.
So I decided, I’m not gonna give her a shout-out.
Again, that’s Spechie, who I’m not shouting out.
I think her fanart made it into this video actually.
And also my buddy CarsonAnimates! colored like two of the pictures
And I feel weird if I didn’t acknowledge that he helped color too.
Thanks for watching!
This is my 100th video.
So to celebrate you should watch this video a 100 times
and share it with a 100 friends.
Which means that this video should get at least two views.
Again, thanks for watching and wear your seatbelt.

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