Quit Any Addiction Today!

Quit Any Addiction Today!

Welcome to Day 130
of Happier People
Podcast here with me,
Jerry Banfield.
Would you like
to quit any addiction today,
to be free from
that horrible struggle of
promising you’ll not
do something, trying
to quit and
then just going back to it?
I’m grateful to be here with you
because my entire adult life,
until the last year or
two, has been consumed
with addiction
and compulsive behavior
in so many different areas.
What I will share here
with you today is
what I’ve learned based on
what works for millions
of other people
to give up any addiction today
from my personal experience,
much of which
is learned from others.
If you have questions
would you wait
to ask them until I’ve done
the initial presentation
on Facebook or YouTube and
then I will take some questions
at the end, after I’ve ended
the podcast.
If you’re listening
on iTunes or Google Music
or on my website,
thank you very much for
being here with me again.
Here’s the best of
what I’ve learned about how
to quit any addiction.
First, I found that I need
to have a complete experience.
Really notice and pay attention
to every different phase of
the addiction.
This was very apparent
to me with my porn addiction.
I remember being single when
I was about 25 years old.
Getting up first thing
in the morning, turning
on the laptop, firing up
the free porn and
thinking, “You know what,
this might be
a problem someday, but
for today, hey, why not?”
Then when I’m married
several years later
and have a wife and
a very healthy sex life,
it’s not fun
to go watch porn anymore.
It felt more like
a compulsive behavior,
like I had to go do it.
That if I felt a certain way I had
to go watch porn.
That wasn’t fun.
What I had to do was notice
the whole experience.
Because in my mind,
my mind would be like,
“Oh man, wouldn’t it be so good
to see some hot naked girls?
Oh yes.
Oh, that’d be great.
Wouldn’t it be good
to do something about that?
Oh yeah, it’d be really good.
Oh that sounds great.
Let me get to it right now.”
What I usually didn’t
pay any attention
to was the process afterwards.
After I’m done watching porn,
I’m deleting it
from my history
on whatever device I used.
I’m cleaning up the mess
and I usually just tried
to kind of hurry through that part.
I didn’t really pay much attention
to how disgusting I felt afterwards;
like that horrible
sense of shame,
like I’m a bad person.
I didn’t pay much attention
to that.
I just got
what I wanted out of it, so
to speak, that little
moment of euphoria, that
little high, and then, “All right,
let’s quickly clean up the mess.”
Just like I’d been doing
since I was like 11 years old.
“Let’s have a little fun,
all right.
Now, put everything away
and act like it never happened.
What I noticed was
in paying attention
the whole time;
paying attention just as much
to the before process which in
the mind gets all excited about,
paying attention to the
after process just as much.
A lot of us skip through trying
to hurry through some of our tasks
that are mundane or that
we do all the time
and with addiction we often hurry through
the pain or we use other things
to cover up the pain.
What I did was pay attention
to all that after process
and then associate that with
the initial experience.
Do you want the whole experience?
Because the initial part
might sound fun even,
“Do you want
to see some pictures of naked girls?”
Yes, that sounds like fun.
Still, today that’s
still sounds like fun.
What doesn’t sound like fun is,
“Do you want
to feel like crap about yourself
for several hours afterward?
Do you want to feel
that sense of your disgusting inside
for several hours afterward?
When you are then in the chance
to actually have some real
sex with your wife, do you
want to be remembering
that porn you watched
and feeling horrible about it?”
No, I really don’t want
to be doing that.
When I integrate
the entire experience together,
it’s like poking myself in the eye.
The harder you do it,
there’s no temptation
to just poke myself in the eye.
I’m not tempted
to slap myself around or punch myself
in the face because I know
that hurts.
There’s no temptation
to do something I know hurts.
With addiction,
it’s really important to see
the full experience
because you’ve got to
see the pain in it as well.
For me with alcohol,
I struggled with trying
to drink and manage it
and stay sober and
then trying to have just
a drink here and there.
I tried to do that for 11 years.
My dad was alcoholic I knew damn
well I shouldn’t ever drink.
I went to college
and all this time they’re trying
to help me with my sex problems.
I couldn’t figure out how
to get laid without drinking
and I’d watched enough commercials
to see, “Uh, if I have some alcohol
maybe that’ll help me have sex.”
So that’s how I started drinking.
I just would try and breeze through
or numb the pain of the hangovers.
Finally, the last
hangover I really looked
at how awful it was.
The whole day in bed,
throwing up blood,
the remorse, the shame,
the hopelessness.
Then next time I went
to think about drinking
to think about that.
Is that what you want to get?
Then to stop lying about it
and saying, “Well,
I’m just going
to have two drinks this time,”
or with another addiction,
“I’ll just have one cigarette
or I’ll just look at one porno
today,” whatever your addiction is.
“I’m just going
to have this one doughnut.”
The second key thing,
after you’ve noticed
the full experience,
is to work on helping
others and that’s
what I’m doing here today.
I realized that I haven’t
quit drinking alcohol
or gambling or smoking
or having adult movies
and irresponsible sex habits
or overeating
or eating things
that are bad for me.
I haven’t stopped any of
that for life.
I only get a day off based
on my willingness to help others.
When I had a miracle happen
the last time I drank
and had a hangover I realized that
I needed to go help others.
I desperately prayed
to God to quit drinking
because after 11 years
of trying to stop,
the second time I drank I had
a brutal hangover.
Horrible sickness
and throwing up and guess what?
A couple of weeks later I thought,
“Well, I’ll do
a better job this time.
I won’t drink quite that much.”
In other words, I’ll avoid
the consequences.
I’ll get what I want out of it
and I’ll avoid the consequences.
You don’t get to avoid
the consequences
in life unless you don’t do
the behavior to start with.
Once you’re in
that hopeless feedback loop, well,
if you don’t get stopped by
the consequences.
See, the fourth time I smoked
marijuana I got lucky.
The consequences were the same as
the second time I drank.
I got horribly got sick
because I’d been drinking also
and I think it might have
been laced with something.
I got horribly sick.
I had some kind of trip,
I didn’t know who I was anymore.
It was awful.
Then anytime I thought
about smoking weed after
that I couldn’t help
but remember that
last time where I
got horribly sick.
I couldn’t lie to myself and say
that it might not happen again.
If you have
the experience of having an awful
time doing whatever
you did before and you
can’t quit even with
that experience,
it’s absolutely essential
to go help other people.
Because other people are all
struggling with this
stuff around you.
A lot of them are
trying really hard
to hide it from you.
The alcoholic next door
is doing things like
stuffing his liquor bottles,
his handles of
vodka in the bottom of
the recycling bin so
that he doesn’t look like such
a drunk to his neighbors.
The guy who’s trying
to quit smoking next
door is sneaking cigarettes out
on his back
patio, meanwhile he’s
telling you about
having nicotine patches
and getting gum.
The guy who’s watching porn secretly
in his bedroom,
the other neighbor over there who’s
trying to hide it, tells you,
“How are you doing today?”
“Oh, I’m great,”
and he’s cutting the grass
and you don’t realize
that he’s right next
door in his bedroom every
three hours watching porn.
Most of us are struggling
with some kind of addiction
or lots of us are struggling
with some kind of addiction.
Whether it’s to a substance,
whether it was
to a person,
it can be even things like work.
Another neighbor you
have she’s never home
because they’re working
60-70 hours a week.
They go to work even
when they hate it.
Even when work beats them up
and treats them horrible.
To me, helping others is essential
for my ability to stop.
Because it’s not enough
for me to just remember,
Well, last time I watched porn
it wasn’t very enjoyable.”
Because my mind will lie me
into thinking it is a game.
My mind when I get
a little uncomfortable say,
“Well, you know what?
Fix this.
Fire up a porn now.
You’ll forget about
everything else.
Why don’t you have a drink too?
Sign up on another website you
can gamble with Bitcoin now.”
My mind will lie me into
doing all these things again.
When I help others though,
it doesn’t have
the power to lie as
completely effectively.
It’s lies start to sound like lies
instead of sounding like the truth.
I was driving by on the way home
from Disney with my family
the other day, an absolutely
perfect day.
A thought comes as
I drive by and see
the hard rock casino on
the right, which I have
not been to since 2009.
That’s seven years
and I haven’t been
to it since I’ve lived in Florida.
My mind’s like, “You have
to pull over right now
and go drop just–“
I was driving, “Just pull over,
drop yourself off there.
Let everyone else;
your wife, daughter,
in-laws, let them figure out how
to get home.
You just pull over, walk
on in, you can have a drink.
You can sit down and look,
there’s a new poker room.
You saw that billboard before.
You can just have
a really nice time in the casino.”
Today, because I help others,
I recognize what
a huge lie that is.
My mind’s literally trying
to lie me into a place of misery.
Luring me there like
in the– I think it was
the Odyssey,
the main character gets lured
to this island by
these singing nymphs.
I can’t remember
the story hardly at all,
but it’s that sound of temptation.
When I help others I learn
to recognize
the sound of temptation.
I learned to recognize
the full experience,
because I didn’t even know how
to integrate
the full experience.
All the effects of drinking
and all my other addictions I
didn’t know how to integrate
them into a memory
that would be available
for me right when I wanted
to do the addiction.
The key is when you go
to have that liquor bottle
in your hand
or you’re just about to
fire up the cigarette
or go the gas station
and grab a pack,
or you’ve just hit the search
on your phone hot naked girls
or whatever you’re looking for,
when you go to fire that
up you need
the whole memory right then.
Not ten minutes later
after you’ve already taken
that first drink
or you’ve started puffing
on a cigarette
or you’re halfway into the porno.
You really need
the memory before you start.
Because then it’s
really consensual.
Do you want
to consciously walk into
the misery that comes with
the addiction?
I had the stomach flu
a couple of months back.
I’m grateful that since I’ve
started helping others,
the thought I went
to Alcoholics Anonymous,
I realized that’s probably
a good place
to help other people
with alcoholism.
There’s all kinds
of other places you
can help with other
specific addictions.
For example, if you’re trying
to quit smoking,
there are all kinds of
groups today you can
go and be with other
people who are trying
to quit smoking.
For other addictions there’s
all kinds of places you can go
to help with that.
I realized that– all
right I honestly just
totally lost track of
what I’m saying.
That’s cool because I’ll just
start coming up with something new.
Where was I going with this?
I totally don’t know.
There’s something really
good that’s about
to come out of my mouth though,
any minute I think.
Aha, there it is.
When you’re getting
into an addiction,
there is really
something good there.
There is some kind of
need you’re hoping
to have met underneath
everything else.
The key with helping others
in seeing
the complete experiences
that then get an alternative
to have the same need met.
I’m not suggesting you just try
and use your will powers.
I’ve done so many times
to try and stay sober.
I’ve tried to use my willpower
and just say, “I’m going
to stay sober.
I’m going to not watch porn,
I’m not going
to gamble, I’m not going
to play video games,
I’m going to be a better person.”
And all the sudden
I’m doing everything
at the same time.
Yes, it’s possible to gamble,
drink, watch porn,
and play video games all
at the same time.
Wow, that’s
a lot of addictions all at once.
I had the stomach flu
a couple of months ago.
I’m grateful I haven’t
had my last drink it’s
been almost three years now,
which is a miracle.
I never could put together more than
a few days,
weeks or months trying
to just, “I’m
going to use my will power,”
and basically not do it
but not replace it either.
I had the stomach flu
and I was sitting on
the couch I’d thrown up,
I’ve been throwing
up for eight hours off and on.
I was just sitting on
the couch thinking,
“Wow, how did I do this
to myself so many
times with drinking?”
No amount of fun is worth
this amount of sick.
I remember seeing my wife
in bed after I’d been sober about
a year, and she was sick
from being pregnant.
It looked about like
a hangover, and according
to her, it felt about like she
imagined I had experienced.
I looked at her and said,
“She’s doing this
to bring another life into
the world.”
I used to do that every week
or several times a week.
I’d have a hangover so bad
I couldn’t get out of bed,
or I would take pills to get numb
the pain and try and push through
the hangover and go to work.
Yes, as a police officer,
I’d often times get drunk
and would–
then it’d just be throwing
down pills to try and be able
to go into work the next day.
My dad told me I should have been
a bartender if I wanted
to live like that.
Thankfully, I couldn’t keep being
a police officer very long
and being an alcoholic.
When you see the experience as
it really is it looks sick.
My god, no amount of fun is
worth poisoning myself over.
No amount of pleasure,
and you can look at it
for eating,
no amount of momentary pleasure
of having something
in my mouth is worth feeling like
a disgusting fat person
for the next
several hours, days, weeks, months.
I had a big problem with eating
for much of my life.
I would eat to change how I felt.
I was obese
for most of my adult life.
I’m grateful today to have
a healthier relationship with eating,
because some things
you can’t just quit.
You may not be able
to just quit eating, probably not.
You can’t just quit working.
Today I’m grateful
for any addiction
that I can just stop.
I don’t need to drink alcohol.
I don’t need
to watch porno by myself.
I don’t need to smoke.
I don’t need to gamble.
I’m really grateful today
that I’ve got this experience
because I have something useful
to share with you today.
What happens in other people is
helping other people I don’t forget
what I’ve learned, because
my mind will always remember how
to lie to me.
It will remember how to pitch.
You think of
a sales pitch in business.
My mind knows how to pitch
a drink a thousand different ways.
“Well, Jerry, you’ve had
a really hard day today,
aren’t you thirsty?
Why don’t you have a drink?
That’ll fix that.
Well, Jerry, you didn’t like
what that person said.
Why don’t you have a drink?
In hearing and listening
to other people’s experience it
helps me today to stay quit.
Because my problem wasn’t
that I couldn’t use self-will
and discipline.
I could easily use willpower
to stop drinking
and give it up for a day or
a week or a couple of weeks.
You may have found this
with things like smoking
or other bad habits,
you can quit for a little
while but the trick is,
the next time
that lie comes
in can you stay quit?
“Well, you’ve had a hard day today
a cigarette, that’d really help.
Wouldn’t it?”
“Yes,” “That’d take
the edge off, wouldn’t it?”
What I’ve found is
that I must replace all
the needs that were satisfied by
the addiction
because my alcohol
drinking wasn’t all bad.
In fact, there was a lot of needs
that were met by my drinking.
If I just simply gave up drinking
and didn’t replace
that with anything that met those
same needs, then it continued
to look attractive to go back to.
The other times I tried
to get sober just by willpower alone,
“I’m going to do this.”
I didn’t try and help anyone,
I didn’t integrate
the full experience, I just said,
“I’m going to stay sober.
I swear to god I’ll stay sober.”
I did it a lot of different ways.
I wouldn’t meet the same needs.
The normal way I was sober,
I didn’t laugh
a lot, I didn’t often
do things very playful
or have much fun.
I didn’t relax.
One of the things
that I was horrible at
for most of my adult
life was relaxing, which
is why I was prone to alcoholism.
You take a drink you relax
a little bit.
I had a really hard time relaxing.
I was always on edge,
“I’m going to get things done.”
That made me prone
to overworking as well
because that energy is great.
You go to work and, “Yes, I’m going
to work and power through stuff.”
One of the only ways
I knew how to relax,
besides drinking, was
to have sex or porn
and related activities,
or to go to the gym,
or exercise
and I just wear myself down so
much that I couldn’t
hardly do anything else.
I used to do these workouts
where I’d get my heart rate up
to 190 and keep it there
for 45 minutes or an hour.
That’s how you have a heart attack
at the gym, doing that.
I would be so exhausted then
that I would have to relax.
Those workouts were tough.
It’s unpleasant
to keep your heart rate
at 100% for an hour on
the gym, but it’s easy
to get it up
that high when you’re fat,
which I was fat most
of my adult life.
It was pretty easy
to get my heart rate going fast.
It’s a little more challenging now.
What I’ve learned is if I want
to stay free
from my addictions today,
I have to see that
there are legitimate needs
the addiction is fulfilling.
That I want to laugh,
I want to relax,
and I need to learn
from other people how to do that.
Because for me,
I drank for 11 years,
I didn’t know how to laugh
or have fun or play and
mess around and not be such
a tight ass without drinking.
I had to learn from people,
how do you laugh without a drink?
How do you have some fun?
How do you let go
a little bit without a drink
in you, without marijuana,
without prescription
drugs or without illegal drugs?
How do you let go
a little bit without
that stuff to help?
How do I dance without drinking?
How do I date without drinking?
When you’ve done an
addiction long enough
and then addiction could be
a person.
You may find out
that you’ve got some abusive relationship
in your life
and it’s like an addiction.
You don’t know what
to do without it
but when you’re without it you’ve got
to have it back
and when you’ve got it back
you can’t stand it anymore.
You may, “How do I do
anything without this person
in my life who even
though they abuse
me, I don’t know how
to live without them.”
That’s where helping other
people comes into play,
because when I help
other people I receive
the same help back.
When I offer my experience to you,
I get your experience back.
When I offer my love and support
to you, I get yours back.
It’s taken
a lot of people explaining
a whole lot of things
to me for me to learn.
“Oh, you know what?
I can go get a massage
that will help me relax.”
Or another way I can relax is
to sit down
and meditate or read
a book or just sit in
an AA meeting and listen.
If I want to laugh,
AA meetings tend
to be really good for laughing
because there’s some
sick people like me that go
and share their stories.
If I want to have
the experience of intimacy,
of feeling good about my body,
that comes
with watching a porn
and adult movies,
then I’m able to get
that today by healthy eating,
by taking care of my body
and by honestly
and openly sharing with others.
By seeing others not just
for their sexual characteristics,
but really looking at and
seeing every other
person around me.
When you’re seeing they’re
watching adult movies,
you really want
to be connected more with other people.
You really want to be loved
and seen more by other people.
You want to be not
objectified so much.
Then I find that I’m not tempted
to go look at
that stuff if I’m really seeing
and connecting
with other people.
Even things like being addicted
to social media.
You’re on Facebook
or Instagram all the time.
“How many likes does this have?
What photo can I post?”
So much that you can’t even enjoy
the world around you.
That’s a desire
for connection with other people.
Often it just takes
a different approach,
but you may not be able
to figure it out on your own.
You may have
to see someone actually doing it.
For me, the main way
I learn is to see
what people are actually doing.
This is the main way I teach,
I just share with you
what I do because that’s easy
and honest.
I don’t have to sit here
and make a script.
Sure, I might have forgot
what I was going
to say for 30 seconds
and didn’t have a clue
and stopped for a minute,
but I don’t need
a script to tell you the truth.
I don’t need to plan out
and try to make
a perfect lecture
to tell you what I’m already
doing in my life.
The most powerful learning I give
to my daughter as
a parent is what I do.
She crosschecks everything
I say with what I do.
If I tell her
to do something different
from what I’m doing
she learns hypocrisy.
That’s what I learned
when I was taught
and raised, “don’t cuss,”
by people who cussed a lot.
I learned hypocrisy.
I didn’t learn not to cuss;
I learned hypocrisy,
that you say one thing
and do another.
In raising my daughter I try
and simply be who I’d like
to share with her.
I simply am whatever I’d like her
to be able to learn from.
I realize she’s going
to be independent
and I’m grateful
to be here with you today.
I’m very happy
to share this experience with you
because my compulsions
to do many types
of unhealthy behavior
left me feeling hopeless
and suicidal for lots of
different times in my life.
The day after a binge,
all night at the casino,
drinking and gambling
and waking up the next
morning just not even wanting
to go through all the pain again.
There’s hope, you don’t ever have
to go through the pain.
The pain you’ve been
through already
with every addiction is enough.
If you can’t see it,
help other people
and you’ll be able to see it.
As they share their pain,
you’ll start remembering all these
pain you’ve buried under the rug.
A lot of us are really good
at burying stuff under the rug.
Some of us are so good
that there are things buried so deep
that you can’t even get to
them without digging
and digging and digging.
There’s things I’ve remembered back
to like three years old
that it took me a year of
looking at all
the different issues I was experiencing.
Digging deeper, “All right,
why am I like this?
Where does this come from?”
Then once you go back
far enough you don’t need
to keep going back anymore.
Once you experience and heal
those original hurting things,
often that happened before
you were addicted,
then you don’t have
to keep letting them
run your life today.
Now I’m getting hypnotized by
the sound of own voice
a bit, sicker Than Your Average.
So I appreciate you listening
to this today.
My exercise is to keep practicing
what I’ve shared with you here.
After all, the main reason I’m
doing this is so I remember it.
I don’t want to forget all
these stuff I’m telling you.
It’s good for me today,
that’s why I’ve shared it with you.
So thank you for listening,
I hope you have
a wonderful day today
and if you’re watching
live, if you have any
questions you’d like
to ask I’ll answer those
on Facebook or YouTube.
Now I got biggie songs stuck
in my head,
Sicker Than Your Average,
Thank you very much for watching.
Tycho says, “I’m addicted
to gaming.”
Let me bring over
the comments here.
Let’s stop on Facebook
and then YouTube.
What’s up Terrence?
I am not on any drugs,
this is my normal
state of being now.
That’s what’s cool,
that’s what’s cool about it.
This is how I normally am.
I’m trying to move my
face around over here.
There we go.
Michael, that’s
a very good question,
thank you for asking that.
Michael says, “What do I do
when there’s no groups around?”
Well I’m surprised
there are more groups.
I can’t believe how
many groups there are.
If there aren’t any groups around,
you often will be able
to find people you know directly
and the more you start
talking about your own issues,
people will start bringing them up.
It’s a big leap of faith
to start talking with
the cashier at
the grocery store and
saying– and when they say,
“How are you doing today.”
Instead of BS-ing them with saying,
“Great, thanks,” saying,
“You know what?
I’m struggling with trying
to quit smoking today.
It’s like the 15th day
in a row I’ve tried
to quit and I’m still smoking.”
You might be amazed to find
that if you want to help,
the universe will stick people
essentially in your way.
What I’ve done with
about everything, so I go
to Alcoholics Anonymous
but I don’t have
any group I go to for gambling
or the sex issues or overeating.
What I do is I just talk about
these things all the time now.
What I’ve learned
in Alcoholics Anonymous is
to just share this
stuff even if it makes
me look bad, even if
occasionally I say something
the wrong way
to just get it out there wherever I’m at.
Amazingly, you’ll find the people
in your life who are struggling
with similar things.
What also can help is
to find people who’ve already done
what you want to do.
If you know someone who’s–
for example,
if you’re trying
to quit smoking, if you know
someone who’s quit smoking,
go to that person
and say, “Look, I want
to quit smoking.
What did you do
to quit smoking, and tell me,
who else do you know
that quit smoking?”
I find if I need something,
the universe will put it my way.
You might even be able
to just watch videos online,
to get started,
from people that quit
smoking that have put them up and
then they’ll start telling you.
I found the universe
consistently puts people
in my path that I need.
Often it’ll put people on my path
that I’m able to help.
There’s a man in my life now
that I see when I go
to meetings
and he shares with me about
some of the addictions
outside of alcohol
that he’s working with in his life.
That helps me then.
He thought
to talk with me because in
the AA meeting I shared
about some of these other
addictions a little bit.
There’s all kinds of places
that are possible.
There’s a Zen saying,
I think, “When
the student is ready
the teacher will appear.”
When I’m ready to help
the people who need
my help will appear.
When I need help
the people who are there
to help me will just randomly be
in front of me.
The main thing I’ve got
to do though, I’ve got to open up.
I can’t keep my secrets.
That’s why my mom’s like,
“I can’t believe you talk
about all these stuff.”
I talk about all these stuff
because I want help with it.
I don’t want
to be grabbing my iPhone
and firing up the porno search again
on it because
I don’t want to feel like
crap afterwards I don’t want
to miss out on the full depth
and beauty of my relationship
with my wife anymore
because of all
the porn I’ve looked at.
So, even though I don’t go
to a group for that,
I just try
and talk about it all the
time; even if it’s embarrassing,
even if it makes me look bad.
Thank you, John.
“Wear a green shirt if you
do another live stream.
Thanks, the floating head one,
you’ll like that.
Thank you, I am live
on YouTube and Facebook.
I’m renting another computer
to be able to do that.
I’m renting a Mac Pro.
I’ll bring over
the YouTube comments
let’s see how all these
are looking today.
What’s up, Shanthi?
Thank you for watching Tycho.
[laughs] Antonio says,
“I’m addicted
to League of Legends
and I want to convert it
to my source of living.”
If you want to be able
to be a professional at it,
I would say
a lot of these other self-help
personal development things
can be very helpful.
A lot of the professional gamers,
the coach in
the better League of Legends
players I’ve seen,
they also tend to have
a lot of wisdom about
life generally, for
example, getting along
with other people.
If you want to be
a pro League of Legends player,
what you really need
to be is a good
teammate in addition to
a good League of Legends player.
I think just constant improvement
playing every day you have
the chance to do it.
I find if you just want
the money out of it,
if you truly love playing
the game, you’ll
get good enough
at it to make money.
If you’re trying to use
the game to make money,
there’s other things
you can learn that will
allow you to make money easier
if you’d rather just have
the game as a hobby.
I don’t know if that’s
helpful or not.
I quit playing League of Legends
because I realized
that I would need to give up other
things in my life to get good
at League of Legends.
I wasn’t willing
to give anything else up.
If you want to be
a pro League of Legends player,
you might need to find a couple of
other things in your life
to give up to make that happen.
Maybe you might need
to give up school
or getting an education.
Thank you for watching
from India Manu,
Peter, Austin, Tycho.
I appreciate you watching.
I appreciate everyone watching
and each comment I get
because every one of
those helps the
videos to get found by other people
and it helps me to stay honest.
To realize I’m not
some great person,
that I’m just an
average ordinary person.
That anything you want
to do that I can do,
there’s no reason you can’t do
it too, because I’m ordinary.
Yes, “Too good for you,
when I’m stressed I cannot control
to not smoke.”
This is– I’ll explain;
I had an experience with smoking
that was really helpful for me.
My dad smoked and I have other
family members that smoke.
My dad never quit,
he died going with smoking.
Even though his father died
from lung cancer
and my dad died from things
that are related
to smoking, even with
those things I still thought I
should try and smoke cigarettes.
I often if I dated
a girl who smoked,
I’d smoke with her.
The one thing that really helped
me with smoking cigarettes was
the next day when I woke up
and I had that disgusting
cigarette taste in my mouth.
I hated that so much
that I wouldn’t smoke another
cigarette that next day.
I hated that, disgusting, yuck.
The nice thing is
that I didn’t get that far
in but still I would go
for a while about
smoking and then I’d buy a cigar.
I got lucky because I used
to be a casual smoker.
You can see with my tendency
to addiction,
I certainly had the ability
to pick up a nicotine habit.
The last time I smoked,
I was going down
the direction of either smoking more
or smoking less.
I had cigars at home
and I’d smoke a cigar to relax.
Well, I smoked a cigar
and walked around my apartment
complex trying to relax.
One of the things you might
say I either did correctly
or incorrectly depending on how
you look at it, I used
to inhale quite
a bit when I smoked.
Amazingly, it didn’t make me
that sick most of the time.
When I first smoked
a cigar I’d inhale it,
take a big deep breath trying
to get all the
smoke in my lungs
and it didn’t have
that much of an impact on me.
I consistently would
inhale when I smoked.
I got sick a couple of times doing
that while drinking,
but I didn’t think much of it.
The last time I smoked
a cigar I was sober
and I was walking around
my apartment complex.
Because normally when I’d smoke I
would be standing up
or sitting down.
Well, this time I
was taking a walk.
I was inhaling and taking a walk.
I was breathing even
deeper than normal
and I smoked
for longer than normal.
I smoked down most of
the cigar walking around
my apartment complex.
Oh, man, I got sick that time.
I didn’t throw up, but I was dizzy,
I felt terrible.
Now, whenever my mind
it still thinks smoking
and I walk by
a cigar store and, “Why don’t
you go there and take a look?”
And all I can think
about is that, “Oh,
that disgusting feeling
I had of being dizzy
the last time I smoked.”
If you haven’t had
a bad experience from smoking,
if you really want
to smoke and nothing else
has worked, try smoking so much
that you can’t stand it anymore.
Now, I’m no health professional,
I’m no doctor.
If you kill yourself doing
this I’m just throwing
red things out there
that have worked for me.
Like the last time I drank, I drank
for something like 14-16 hours.
I had something like
20 shots of vodka,
12 cans of diet Dr.
Thunder from Walmart.
I had a lot last time, so much
that it made me deathly ill;
throwing up blood
just horribly sick.
With smoking,
the last time I smoked,
the same thing; I got sick.
If you’ve never got sick smoking
or if you have
a hard time stopping
smoking one of the
things that can be helpful is
to change the context of it.
Maybe smoke 15-20,
smoke so many cigarettes
that you make yourself sick.
If you are really trying
to stop but can’t,
have all the cigarettes
you can stand.
Just keep smoking,
smoke them until you get sick.
Now you might say,
“Well, that’s crazy.
I wouldn’t want
to make myself sick.”
What you want to do is make
a very painful association with
that behavior.
When I think of drinking I
think of throwing up blood,
of god awful headache and hangover
and nausea, of barely being able
to get any food down
and barely being able to walk to
the kitchen to get
a can of soup to eat.
I had the same thing
happen with porn and with
the doing it yourself element
that comes with porn.
The last time I watched porn,
the last time I did it myself
to conclusion, because you
could argue, “Well,
what about if you actually touch yourself once
or twice, does
that count as masturbating?”
I don’t know.
The last time I went all
the way through with it was
at a doctor’s office.
Not exactly
a fun moment you might say;
it put it in a different context.
It made the idea of watching porn
and messing with myself
feel more medical.
Not so hot, not so exciting.
So, the last time
that I engaged in that,
you might say, it was also
for a good reason;
perhaps the only time in my life
that I’ve ever looked at porn
and played with myself
for a good reason.
Maybe you could say
discovering as a kid,
but anyway,
let’s not– I realize there’s
just a counterpoint
to every argument.
Now, thinking of it being
in a medical setting,
it was something– all right,
I got to admit,
I was sitting on that chair
in the doctor’s office
and I’m like, “This is like
the Olympics for me.
I’ve never practiced
for anything else
in my life so much as I’ve practiced
for this right now.”
Then after that,
I realized, “All right,
that was like the Olympics.
You actually did it
because someone needed you
to do it.
That’s a valid reason.
Any other time you
do it is it’s not.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever look
at porn again.
I would hope that I wouldn’t.
I share this experience
with you so I don’t forget
because I’d much
rather see an actual
naked body than
to see pictures of them.
It’s kind of disappointing
to look at
the pictures compared
to the real thing.
Those are three of
my big addictions.
The last time,
gambling was also very painful.
It was on the same night I drank.
I was drunk.
I hadn’t gambled online
in years before that,
I thought I’d never do that again.
I’m standing there talking
to customer service
at 4:00 A.M, drunk,
trying to let them put
me more money on those;
again, very painful.
For me, it helps a lot to have
a very painful experience as
the last experience engaging
in something.
Same thing with food;
I was motivated
to eat better after I had
a very painful experience
over eating.
But I was able to have
a painful experience over eating simply
because I was more sensitive.
I’d had that experience many
other times in my life.
But from not drinking,
from not watching porn,
from not gambling,
from not doing that for
a while, I was sensitive.
I had this huge
disgusting breakfast.
It had all kinds of
different meat in it.
It had all these fats,
oils, sugars.
I way over-ate way too much, too.
Then my mind was in a great mood,
it dipped down around
suicidal depression within 15
minutes after eating all that.
I realized, “My God.
What I just ate gave me that mood.
What I just ate was
the cause of that mood.”
Now, when I consider eating
a bunch of the things,
when I consider
eating some huge rich
meal with a bunch of meat
and animal products
in it, I think about
that last meal I had.
Do I want to feel filthy,
disgusting, and depressed again?
Most of the time, no.
Sometimes I do and I’m like,
“Why do I want to feel that way?”
That’s when helping
other people comes in.
Thank you for asking
about these things.
I hope what I’ve shared is helpful.
Thank you.
Everything says,
“I learned something new from you.”
Darryl, thank you for mentioning.
I am going to make
a complete course on how
to quit watching porn
because I know this is a difficult one.
What I’ve shared was
the core of my experience.
However, I think if
a lot of us honestly shared
about all of our sex issues,
doing things
like looking at porn wouldn’t be
that attractive.
We wouldn’t want to look at porn
and get into all these sex issues.
I’m going to make
a whole course on them.
I’m going to put some of
the course up
on YouTube and
then I’m planning to put put a
free coupon out on YouTube
to go to Skillshare.
I’m going to make
a whole course on porn because,
for better or worse,
I’ve got a lot of experience
on that one.
That’s one of my
longest addictions.
Longer than drinking
was being addicted
to looking at porn.
I’ve got a really
nasty metaphor I use;
my stand up comedy is
basically all about all
these nasty things.
I think Amazon’s just about
to approve it.
I think it should
be live this week,
so I’ll keep you up.
If you got a porn addiction,
you might like listening
to my videos.
If you want
to learn more about hacking,
look for Ermin’s channel.
If you go over
to my YouTube channel, you’ll see
that Ermin’s channel
is featured on here.
If you want
to learn more about hacking,
go over to Ermin’s channel here.
Ermin’s doing live question
and answers on hacking.
Ermin’s putting his own things on
a YouTube channel about hacking.
If you want to learn more
about Ermin, do it that way.
On the other hand, if I get
a partner who gives me some
hacking videos, I have a new
partners program.
As you can see, I uploaded
a video about iOS
development yesterday.
I would like to get
a partner who does videos
on hacking.
If you know someone who
makes good hacking videos,
would you refer them
to my partner program?
My partner program is how I’m
putting new videos on my channel.
Like the one I did yesterday
about Start Making iOS Apps Aoday.
What I’m doing is I’m
partnering with other people.
If you’re in my partner program,
I will put your videos up
on my channel.
I will do the intro for them and
then you can sell whatever
product you want to sell.
I will send people directly
to you instead of trying
to take half the payment myself.
I hope that helps on hacking.
Michael, thank you for listening
to my course on Employed.
I appreciate you watching it.
That’s a good question.
For my next class,
I’m thinking of doing
the class on How
to Stop Watching Porn next or
I may do a class
on Podcasting on next also.
I believe, Michael, you asked
for the Podcasting one next.
I might do that next, I’m not sure.
I was thinking of starting
the class right after this.
Those are some of my
next classes I want
to make class on.
I may make classes
on several different categories
because I’m guessing
on Skillshare, there’s
lots of opportunities
for classes on addiction.
Or because probably half the people
on Skillshare struggle with
watching porn, if you search
for porn on Skillshare,
there’s no results.
I wonder if you search
for alcohol if there’s
any results on that.
I guess you can design
things with alcohol.
There’s no class
on alcoholism on Skillshare.
I wonder if there’s any
on gambling.
I might put some classes
on Skillshare.
The guy’s name is Grant Game.
I might put some
Skillshare classes up
on the various addiction subjects.
Bulkesh, that’s a really good one,
“How can I raise my IQ?”
For me, personally, I’ve learned
that intelligence being wise is so
much more than I ever imagined.
Just doing good
on standardized test
including an IQ test
is fairly irrelevant.
One of the best ways
to reach your full potential is
to stop getting in your own way.
Stop poisoning yourself
with alcohol and drugs.
Stop eating foods
that slow you down.
Stop getting in relationships.
Often, it takes
recognizing that– For me,
if anyone’s going to get in my way,
it’ll most likely be me.
That other people
and other things in life aren’t
the problem as much
as I get my own way.
That if someone’s got to get
to screw my business up,
it will be me.
In other words, if someone’s going
to lower my IQ, it will be me.
So, for me, it’s been
a huge exercise
and simply not getting
in my own way.
Not making myself stupider.
Another big thing with IQ
in learning is
a similar programming concept.
Garbage in, garbage out.
If you watch
a lot of garbage or consume
a lot of garbage,
for example, if you watch
a lot of TV, whether it’s
just drama– I’m not going
to point anything out
in particular,
but you’ll know what I mean.
If you spend
a lot of your time essentially
putting garbage into your mind,
you’re going
to get garbage out.
When I used to watch
a bunch of drama
and violent movies and porno
and all these nasty
things, I got
a bunch of nasty things out as well.
Now, I try and read helpful books.
I just started reading the Bible.
I’m reading a course in miracles.
I try and read helpful books.
I try and listen to
and learn positive things.
I try and consume things
that I want to
then share out again.
I realize
that if I take something in,
it’s going to come back out.
If I get into
a bunch of drama with someone,
then it’s going
to come back out even more.
I hope that helps.
Porn decreases my IQ as well.
It’s been two years since
I’ve watched any porno.
I say, “by myself,” because
to me, that’s the context.
I don’t remember if I’ve
watched any with other.
Is HBO, watching Game
of Thrones– that’s
what I watch, with my wife.
Is that porno?
All these definitions get
a little arbitrarily.
I know what watching
porno by myself is like.
I haven’t watched
any porno by myself
for a couple of years.
I still remember these things
from pornos.
I can probably quote
a bunch of them to you
and have you guys been
nodding your head like.
“Yes, that’s from that video.
That’s from that video.”
I still remember songs
that people put in pornos.
If certain songs come on,
it brings me right back to a porno.
It’s amazing how long
this stuff lasts
in my mind and that’s
what motivates me.
Just watching one porno might
not seem like a big deal.
I don’t want to have
that porno stuck in my head
for two or three more years
because after
a couple of years now,
finally my mind is starting
to not go to porno by default and
to not repeat these lines
from porno
and see all of life as
a porno [laughs].
Yes, coding is very useful
for hacking from what I’ve seen.
Michael says,
“I’m not sure I could leave
a project on that one.”
That’s good, Michael [laughs].
That’s a really good one,
Michael [laughs].
“I’m not sure I could leave
a project on the porno class.”
Well, for two of my next courses,
I’m planning
to do one on Podcasting
like you’ve asked
Michael and I’m planning to do one
on how I get audio books up
and I’m planning to do
some addiction classes like how
to stop watching porn, alcohol etc.
Those are some of
the next classes I’m planning.
I appreciate each of
you watching today.
Again, I think I’m getting
a bit hypnotized by
my own voice here.
So, I will let you go now.
I appreciate you watching each day.
I’m honored to have
the chance to be of service
to you on a daily basis
and I’ll hope to see you again soon.
Sicker than your average.

8 thoughts on “Quit Any Addiction Today!”

  1. Lol! though this was serious it made me laugh a bit. When I got the notification I thought it was a video of you saying you're addicted to cryptocurrency and your quitting. Glad it wasn't though cause you gotta at least do a review on BURST coin. Would love to hear your thoughts especially as it relates to trading it on Poloniex.

  2. Ultimate very nice vedio ….. U are really great person giving suggestionshow to Quit addiction…. a about porn …. its really a killing addiction now these days

  3. I stopped watching after I realized it was 51:00 fucking minutes!!! I get some people extend their vids to 10 minutes but god damn of hell no!

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