♪He’s gonna take you back to the past, ♪To play the shitty games that suck ass. ♪He’d rather have a buffalo, ♪Take a diarrhea dump in his ear. ♪He’d rather eat the rotten asshole, ♪Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer. ♪He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard! ♪He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd, ♪He’s the Angry Atari Sega Nerd… ♪…he’s the Angry Video Game Nerd! Play some Games Gonna Play some shitty games. We’ll hang on just a second. I got to go get my mail What the hell’s all this shit? There’s metallic sea sponges everywhere There’s titanium Rocket jock straps headless parrots with bottle caps floating eyeballs and trapped in glass lids How is this all happening? Oh? Of course, it’s the year 2010 holy shit this was all foreseen in the game street fighter 2010 yeah, I should have known it’s crazy remember how futuristic the year 2000 seemed my whole childhood it seemed like every movie every video game. It was always 2000 it sounded so high-tech and so far away But now fuck that. It’s the 10 year anniversary of the year 2000 in five years We’re gonna have flying cars and hoverboards and self-lacing shoes It better happen otherwise. They should have made it to year 3000 even if they made it 2100 we’d all be dead. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway Better be a mystery than to be wrong anyway The oldest street fighter game that most people have played was Street fighter 2 But this one on the nes came before and it just so happens to take place in 2010 who would have thought that street fighters passed lot in the future which is now the present Let’s take a look at this I can only imagine. We’re gonna be tiger up or cutting through space and time We’re gonna be throwing sonic booms on the moon Hadouken zup uranus fuck street fighter 4 this is street fighter 2010 Target Vs. Ken Okay, I know who Ken is but Target I’ll accept that at some weird devil with a scorpion stinger that doesn’t exist in any other street fighter game But are they really calling it Target? Maybe it’s Tarjay, so welcome the street fighter in space there may not be streets in space But there are fights the gameplay is unlike anything. I can describe it definitely doesn’t feel like street fighter It comes a little closer to mega man because of its laser ball projectiles and Ninja Gaiden because of climbing on Walls But even those games don’t help Describing it no matter what you do you always end up flipping around and grabbing onto everything in sight? It’s as if the controls themselves are too futuristic in Advance for anyone to Comprehend when attacking your enemies have to be right next to you or above you because you can only shoot straight ahead or straight up There is a way to shoot down But it involves doing some kind of aerial somersault and you can only pop off one shot at a time if you’re in Midair Oh, and by the way to shoot diagonally up you press down and be I’m not kidding You press down to shoot diagonally oh What the hell is this poop plastered shit smothered piece of fuck and what does it have to do a street fighter? Well ken’s in it. That’s about it. It has ken or more or less a guy in a spacesuit named Ken I guess it would help if I read the backstory let’s see Ken the frontier partnered for a lab puddle of Jelly and the street fighter Circus cyber plasm overdose violent abuse Alright, so what I get out of this is Ken won the street fighting circuit then he became a scientist and invented some kind of thing called cyboplasm I guess it’s like Ectoplasm just with a little more cybo Oh, and then his partner some guy named troy was killed and then the cyboplasm is stolen And then everybody’s turned the mutants and basically yeah, that’s about it. I wouldn’t be surprised Ken is the only street fighter character in this game. No Guile, no Chun-L,i no M.bison instead we get target the scorpion Devil Alien from the year 2010 I Guess we can make the best of it and just pretend it’s street fighter It doesn’t work even when I put the sound effects in it’s not street fighter. It worked better when they brought punch-out to outer space And you want to know what the most confusing part of the whole story is in the original Japanese version the Character’s name was Kevin stryker It was the us version which changed name to Ken and added that one little tiny reference to the street fighting circuit in an attempt To tied in with the game in which it’s fucking named after So you’re telling me the Japanese version had less to do a street fighter as in nothing I? Guess you can say this is where the series got sidetracked Before hitting big with Street Fighter 2 which then went off on its own tangent Man, Street Fighter is the only series to have a sequel which had its own series. Most people never played or even heard of Street Fighter 1 I almost wondered why they even bothered to call it Street Fighter 2 on the home consoles They could have just called it Street Fighter, kind of like with Final Fantasy 6 they ignored the missing sequels and just called it 3 So whatever happened to the original Street Fighter. I have laid eyes on the arcade cabinet twenty-something years ago, so I know it existed. Only in recent years I’ve discovered that it was ported on to the Commodore 64 and every home computer of the time before landing on the Turbo Graphics 16 CD I finally get to talk about this thing when Super Nintendo and sega Genesis were fighting the 16-bit war the turbo graphics 16 was Chilling in the background, it’s a unique specimen It’s games didn’t come on cartridges, but instead these neat little cards and CDS the CD Unit was sold separately and it was the first CD game console at least in North America So the technology didn’t quite catch on yet in Combination with that most people owned either a super nintendo or sega genesis not only would you have had to own a turbo graphics 16 You’d have to buy the CD attachment to so it’s no wonder No one played the first street fighter game and to be even more elusive they changed the fucking title to fighting Street That doesn’t make any sense But at least you get to play as classic characters such as Ryu, George Washington, and Abe Lincoln The mystery is solved we’re finally playing the original street fighter and guess what it sucks ass I’m sure the arcade version was better But this is lousy and the only reason I say that is the control the special moves only work whenever they feel like it You can try to throw a Hadouken in the entire fight, and it’ll never fucking work also the voices sound like shit The only characters you get to play as are Ryu and Ken They can only be selected by plugging the controller into the first port for Ryu and the second for Ken There’s no character select screen. There’s a couple training stages thrown in it’s primitive, but for one of the first fighting games It wouldn’t have been bad aside from the awful control come on Do the move do the move oh you son of a bitch come on do a Shoryuken come on sure you can well? I’m sure you can it’s no wonder why nobody remembers this game of all the revisions and turbo enhancements? They’ve done the Street Fighter 2 ,an already great game, It makes me wonder why they weren’t doing the same to the original to make it better Street Fighter the good edition. How about that? Believe it or not the first game intended as a sequel was Final Fight. Originally it was called Street Fighter 89 However they treated it as an entirely different kind of game with a beat-em-up style so Final Fight became its own series But capcom would often make small crossovers to tie them together in final fight 2 you can see Chun-Li in the background and some Final Fight characters would appear in later Street Fighter games The title Street fighter 89 was changed after they exhibited the game at a trade show the feedback They got led them to change it on the grounds that it had nothing to do with Street Fighter Oh, but not at all like that one whoa Man, I got way off track. I still got to finish this You know what I just noticed the full title is “Street Fighter 2010 The Final Fight” the irony is stunning and I’m nerding the fuck out of myself But how do you make a game named off the two other games and not have anything to do with either them? Maybe it means final fight as in. This is the future this is the final street fighter fight, but street fighter maybe it’s based off the street fighter movie series from the 1970s it has just as little relation oh and speaking of street fighter movies remember Street fighter the movie the game This is the sega Saturn version. How do you like that knocking another console off the list? Anyway, this is one of the stupidest ideas I ever heard they make a movie based on the game and then a game based on the movie Not to mention the movie was more or less based off street Fighter 2 and not the first one It kind of resembles mortal Kombat with it’s digitized actors, but not as good. It’s not a bad game either It’s like street fighter 2 but the controls are a little more stiff for curiosity’s sake it’s fun to play But it just makes you wish you were playing street fighter 2 instead Whoa, whoa, whoa all right? I got really sidetracked I was trying to review Street fighter 2010, and you know I just talked about one thing I end up talking about something else, but that’s what happens man, and you know what if they didn’t call it street fighter? maybe I wouldn’t have had that problem so from this point on let’s just forget about the title take the name street fighter and just Throw it away The objective for each stage is to find a portal the portal never appears until you destroy the Target enemy And that’s why all the enemies are called target. Yeah, it is awkward, but that’s what it means So you destroy the Target the portal appears somewhere? And you have to race and get to it within a very short time limit, and I mean it very short There’s a time limit within the stage – I’m running around trying to kill this plant thing, but the motherfucker won’t stay still Come on. Come on Graphics look like some kind of weird cyber nightmare. I like it. It’s kind of like a cross between Salvador Dali and Hr giger Other times you’re in a psychedelic limbo with clown music shooting at frogs The background looks like one of those magic eye pictures you know the ones are supposed to stare at and go cross-eyed each stage gets harder and pushes you to new levels of Frustration there’s this stage where the screen keeps moving horizontally if you don’t make it through fast enough you die Sometimes you have to choose between taking the time to kill an enemy or just rushing through Because you’re gonna die anyway if you don’t move your ass Then there’s this stage where the screen actually moves back and forth The most difficult thing about this game is attacking there’s so many airborne enemies that you can’t do anything about I’m climbing on a fucking Waterfall of diarrhea, I can’t shoot up or down and because the enemies are coming from up and down that’s really a fucking problem I can’t shoot you get away from me. I’m getting murdered. I’m getting butt-fucked up the dick Then there’s the sand stage where you have to fight a boss, but there isn’t any foundation to be able to fight You’re jumping around in the sand trying to work your way to the bottom of the screen So you can shoot this guy, but every time you get low enough to shoot him He shoots first, and you got to jump back up you never get the chance. I wish all this fucking sand wasn’t here Then there’s this stage where you have to shoot an eyeball on the ceiling But there’s no way to reach it unless you have full power up, but you can’t go back and get any power up So you’re screwed the only thing you can do here is wait for these mucus walls to build up stand on the very edge Right here and then you have to face the opposite Direction This is the only Way you can hit this eyeball but then good luck trying to avoid all the other shit coming at you you can never pay attention To one thing at a time this game is all about Distractions and it forces you to multitask No matter how used to it you think you get each level throw something different your way you have to keep developing new strategies This game is Incredibly annoying But it’s also very stimulating if the controls were less limited and some of its flaws were ironed over I’d say it’s an underrated nes classic It gives you an adrenaline rush And it pisses you off just enough that you don’t want to give up whenever you beat a stage after hours of trying There’s nothing more satisfying and triumphant than to hear that glorious However, the final stage goes way too far It’s the most heartless and abominable end stage ever programmed Will you get here is an endurance round you have to fight three bosses? And then go on to a final boss who has two different forms all on one single life you die once you go back First it’s this fucking clam shaped thing then it’s this fuck brain then these two disappearing mummified Armadillo robots in a room that randomly spouts fire all about on top of trying to stay alive You have to do it all before the time runs out. Oh Look, I beat them and the time still going come on. Come on. I got to get to the final boss Yes, I made it two seconds to spare then you get a cutscene There’s no way anybody’s gonna bother to read this your heart is pounding so fast And you’re ripping your hair out of your head wondering what the fuck am I gonna have to fight now I’m at the final boss. What is it? What is it? What? the fucking Time limit You think that after the cutscene the timer would start over but no you fight the three bosses? Then it’s the cutscene then you fight two forms of the final boss So that’s basically five bosses in total all on the same life bar and the same time limit you get unlimited continues So there’s no excuse to shut off the game you just keep playing and playing and playing Eventually you start to get good at it You can blow through all these bosses taking as little damage as possible, but then the time always runs out So you do it real fast, but then you end up getting killed then you start to go through a phase where you get so Frustrated that all the skill you’ve accumulated Starts to weaken so instead of getting better. You actually start to get worse because you’ve been playing the same fucking thing over and over The final Boss looks like a big blistering ball sack that swallowed grimace His only weak spot is the face the ideal strategy is to climb on the wall and keep shooting But your beam doesn’t reach not without full power ups you can try jumping off and shooting But that takes too long you don’t have time When you’re plowing through the stage you got to stop and get all the power-ups, but that wastes time, too But you got to do it. You got to somehow make it all happen You can’t beat one boss Flawlessly But then fuck up a little on the next one you got a one beat all the bosses without getting hurt too much to Get all the power-ups and three do it fast as shit all in one perfect run But once you do it man. You’re on the fucking top of the world Yeah boom boom and That my friends is Street Fighter. 2010 that’s all I have to say so Happy New Year. Happy New Decade am I forgetting anything! Yeah, forgot my fucking mail.