Superman (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

*Theme Song Plays* (Lyrics) He’s gonna take you back to the past, To play the shitty games that suck ass He’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear He’d rather eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard He’s the angry Nintendo nerd He’s the angry Atari, Sega nerd He’s the angry Video Game Nerd *Theme Song Ends It’s a bird! It’s a plane! NO! It’s a shitty game. Superman for the Atari 2600 I’m playing it on the 7800, just for variety. but, anyway, what can be said about Superman? He’s one of the most famous superheros of all time. Even the word “super” is in his name a word that implies excellence, outstanding quality, and brilliant, divine magnificence. *Shitty Atari Sounds Effects* …yeah This sucks but I’m not gonna critique the graphics, or the sound, or anything like that it’s just that you know…eh…wha?? What? Like, seriously, what’s going on? From what I understand, you start off as Clark Kent which is pointless. You just walk to the right, a bridge explodes because of Lex Luthor so you go back to the phone booth, and you turn into Superman and the rest of the game you’re just flying around, looking for all the pieces of this bridge. You also have to carry a bunch of bad guys off to jail. And if you get hit by Kryptonite, yeah Kryptonite you lose the ability to fly, which can only be regained if you touch Lois Lane. There’s no way to die. The whole game is based around the clock it’s all about getting the fastest time but the only thing that will eventually happen is you’ll throw the game out the window faster than a speeding bullet! The navigation is dreadful if you fly up, you just see more buildings. and that makes sense right? On the top of the buildings, there are more buildings and it just keeps on going! There doesn’t even to seem to be any boundaries, everything just repeats. If you press the button and move the joystick around it shows you all the screens around you yeah, it’s like x-ray vision. That is, if x-ray vision means seeing into the next imaginary Atari space. Have you ever heard of an Atari game that needs a map? Well this is one of them but to tell you the truth, I don’t think it would help, because nothing makes any sense. Like right here – I just keep going up, and all it does is just change colors. I can’t figure this out. So, let’s move onto the NES a Superman game for the Nintendo Entertainment System, how could you go wrong? Well, first of all, you get this lousy music which isn’t even the Superman theme then, the Statue of Liberty start talking to you. Can somebody explain this to me? Is there any reason why the Statue of Liberty has to talk to Superman? “I’ll watch over you”? Is it a guardian angel or something? Is there something I don’t know? Like, what kind of drugs were they taking when they came up with this shit? So, again you start off as Clark Kent and you’re at the Daily Planet, talking to people. “Hi, Clark! Your favorite cub report, Jimmy, here” “Say cheese………” Okay, what was the point of that? You know, it’s really annoying that there isn’t any way to cancel these dialogue boxes, or speed them up and why is everyone wearing green, is it St. Patrick’s Day or something? Why are the telephones as big as the desks? Or, hell, why are they half as big as the people, or no – if they’re in the background, that makes them even bigger! What a strange looking office, and who wants to play as Clark Kent anyway? The first real problem is trying to get used to the controls it’s another one of those games where up is jump. And why do you jump so high? I mean look at this if somebody actually jumped like that, it would be like 20 feet in the air. I know he’s Superman, but if he’s trying to be Clark Kent, he can at least act like it. But anyway, the B button does nothing, and the A button just…fidgets around. What’s wrong with him? If you do it in the air he, like, floats. Oh my God, somebody call an exorcist. So, your main objective at this point is just get out of this room you go out the door, right? Well, of course, it seems pretty obvious, but take a guess how to open the door. Seriously – take a wild guess. B? No. A? No. Start? No. Select? No. Up? No Up only jumps, so you have to hit Down. I’ve never heard of a game where Down goes through the door. Alright, well now we’re really starting to suck some shit balls. Right away, there’s people outside trying to kill you I don’t know what kind of grudge anyone would have against Clark Kent but anyway, you go into this phone booth and turn into Superman. What is this? This is the most pathetic excuse for Superman I’ve ever seen. On the title screen he looks okay, but why in the game does he look like this!? Your basic attack is some kind of weird, close range fireball, I don’t know I think he’s supposed to be punching people, but it’s just weird. Then you have a menu with special super powers each with their own energy bar, much like in Mega Man. Most of these special attacks don’t seem to do anything I assume that there’s specific parts in the game where they all come in handy but for now, I really don’t know what to do with any of them. If you use Super Flight, all it does is make Superman fly up into the air. You watch that for a little bit, and then he comes back down. So, okay, what was that all about? I found certain spots, where if I use it there, then he’ll fly over the city and end up at another part of the game. Now I’m sure that that’s what your supposed to do, but I’m still not sure why sometimes he just goes up and then comes back down, so I haven’t really figured that out and honestly, I don’t care. You have a map screen, which seems like it should be self-explanatory enough but there’s times when you have to use a subway train. “Oops! You can’t ride the subway with no pass!” What, are you kidding me? He’s Superman! He needs to buy a FUCKING TICKET?! It’s like, “Yeah, we know you’re trying to save the city but you still need to pay for your ride.” Why does he even need to use the subway? Can’t he just fly!? Why go underground? That’s the complete opposite of flying. That’s like if Spiderman wanted to go from building to building he’d just go down to ground level, and then just walk. That’s the stupidest idea I ever heard. And when you eventually get a ticket and ride the subway why is Superman so small compared to everyone else? Is he a five year old kid? It’s kind of creepy, these tall guys in shadow it’s like, “Watch out, or they might be kidnappers.” Why are they dark anyway? They don’t look like anyone else in the game. Speaking of which, none of the people in this game have anything interesting to say. Here’s just one random spot, so let’s take a look and just see what people have to say here. “Got any news?” Okay, well, that was real informative. Let’s see what he has to say. “I know nothing at all.” Heh, well that sums it all up. Alright, let’s just talk to one more guy Oh, get the Roman number two, whatever that does. “Hey! What are you doing?” You see? I rest my case. There’s no reason to talk to anybody. It’s like in Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest The whole game is full of people who tell you things that don’t make sense or have any relevance with the game. For example, this old woman tells you not to look into the Death Star, or you’ll die. Well, the Death Star is nowhere in the game Both of these games were released in 1988 now that must have been the year of people talking and not making sense in video games. “Haven’t you seen the movie, Superman?” Yeah, I did actually, and it’s nothing like this garbage! So, I’m just running around without much of a clue where I’m supposed to go I’m killing these weird, green-headed alien-sort-of-things, I don’t know Ugh…and that music. *Mimicking terrible music* Then I finally come to some kind of boss character a woman, I guess, with a whip and a deformed head. So, I’m trying my best, but the control is so awkward and I just keep getting hit and if your super power meter gets low enough, you turn back into Clark Kent. which is annoying, but at least you can still fight. So, I stay back, and I keep using that punch attack, and finally she dies, and we get the newspaper headline saying “Superman defeats Zod Gang.” Uhhhhh…wait a minute…the Zod Gang? If you’ve seen the movie Superman II, you probably know who General Zod is THAT is not Zod. You mean her? Zod Gang? Where’s the rest of them? I don’t know, but anyway wh…what? Daily Planets? Isn’t is just the Daily Planet? I don’t know, I’ve had enough with this. Wait a minute…Stock Market panic? Stock prices fall? What, are we talking about stocks now?! “Find out why stock prices have fallen you’ll learn about stocks at the Stock Market.” Okay, that’s the goal here? To go to the…Stock Market? Oh my God, Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember playing Nintendo? What kind of things were you interested in? Comic books, video games…uh…the Stock Market!? Yeah, do you think any kid playing this game gives a shit about the fucking Stock Market?! Just..j…wha…what…why? Wh-why make a game that has anything to do with stocks, or taxes, or politics? YOU JUST DON’T DO THAT! It’s like, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! STOCKS?!?!?!? I just can’t…uh…ah…buh…*fart noise* Oh God, I just what a shitload of fuck. That’s enough for me. This game is just so awful that it can’t be explained. I can review it for another hour and it won’t make a difference it’s an un-reviewable game. Cannot be done justice. If you want to play it and see for yourself I dare you, but just one warning: you will not be happy Oh wait, this guy here just gave me a password? What’s that for? Like, if I want to continue here where I left off? Well, that’s completely useless, there’s no way I would ever need this password, and you want to know why? Because I’m never fucking playing this game again IN MY LIFE! That’s it, Superman is doomed. What is it about Superman that just spells “Shit”? It’s like they couldn’t make a good Superman game. But there’s one in particular that everybody wants me to review. So, here’s a typical MySpace message. “And that game is…drum roll…dramatic silence Superman 64.” “You should do a review on E.T. or Superman 64” “I have a special demand no, a BIG DEMAND Do you ever think you can play more than four minutes of one of the worst N64 games ever? Calling: Superman” “I’d love to see you review Superman on the N64” “Could you review Superman for the Nintendo 64?” “Dude, you should comment on Superman 64.” “Ever hear of Superman 64?” “You should review…(gulps)…Superman 64.” “Various Requests for Review of Superman 64 As Seen on Screen* *Repeats Superman 64 Faster and Faster* Well Damn Well, you want it? You got it! Next review is gonna be: Superman 64 *Crowd Applauding*

100 thoughts on “Superman (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)”

  1. Yeah game looks like its sucks….lol i guess i been spoiled on next gen systems…..but i remember this is what we left to deal with 8 bits of slime… Naw Seriously this game gets the Gas Face……lol

  2. What about Superman spells shitty game? Well, what about Power Rangers spells shitty game after shitty game after shitty game?!?

  3. So an interesting note is that the Japanese version of this game has a completely different soundtrack. Infact, it's the John Williams music from the film! The US version recycles music from a different Kemco game called Indora no Hikari for some reason. I have no idea why they would remove something like that. It would have certainly made the game a bit more tolerable.

  4. The only thing that I realize from watching all these terrible retro games is that alot of people sucked at making video games. Point blank🤷🏻‍♂️

  5. 3:58 ok let's not get crazy here James, that's not 20ft. A standard man door is about 7ft tall and the jump line is less than double the door height, so it's only roughly 10-12ft max.

  6. Owned this game when I was a kid. It was absolutely the worst game I ever played. Glad everyone watching this video can experience the frustration that I had as a kid. 🙂

  7. Because after paying the real Superman to pose for the title screen they were all out of money and all they could really afford was a twelve-year-old in a Superman outfit that's why you look so small when you're playing the game.

  8. Superman Huh? More like Super lame ASS Fuck With a Cherry on top of a Shit Sundae Poop out by Diarrhea Buffalo Finished Off with a Road killed Skunk on a Fucking Platter Eat My ASSHOLE

  9. You gotta listen to his videos with closed captions on…haha! The Atari game starts up, starts making game noises that he refers to as "**Shitty Atari Sound Effets**" in his captions…lol.

  10. In the PS2 and PSP versions of Spider-Man Web of Shadows, Spider-Man uses a taxi to get somewhere. Why couldn't he just swing there?

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