Trump University: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Trump University: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

And let us dive right in this
week with the 2016 election.
Or as its increasingly known,
America’s Fucktastic
Cirque De Dismay.
Now, the big news this week
surrounded Donald Trump,
a punchline that is quickly
becoming a nightmare.
Like if you said,
“Take my wife, please,”
and then she was actually
kidnapped by ISIS.
-Now, this week
revealed a somewhat
startling statistic…
A new report from USA Today

found Trump and his businesses
have been involved in
at least 3,500 lawsuits

over three decades.
Thirty-five hundred lawsuits!
That is unprecedented
for a presidential nominee.
In fact, if each lawsuit
involving Trump
were the basis of an episode
ofLaw & Order,
they could sustain all
456 episodes of the original,
all 389 episodes
ofLaw & Order SVU,
all 195 episodes of
Law & Order Criminal Intent,

and all 22 episodes
ofLaw & Order LA.
As well as every episode
ofThe Practice,
Ally McBeal, L.A. Law,
Boston Legal, Night Court,

The Good Wife, Matlock, JAG,
Perry Mason, Judging Amy,

The Guardian,
The Public Defender,

Owen Marshall:
Counselor At Law,

Harry’s Law, Courthouse, Suits,
Family Law, Sweet Justice,

1971’sThe D.A.,
2004’sThe D.A.,
Reasonable Doubts, Damages,
Shark, The Defenders,

The Paper Chase, Head Cases,
Judd for the Defense,

and all three episodes
of NBC’sFirst Years,
and at that point, you’re still
missing one lawsuit.
-But, you’ve also basically
run out of television shows
about lawyers,
meaning Trump’s lawsuits exceed
the limits of the fucking genre!
Well, lately…
Lately, there have been
some new developments
with Trump-related litigation,
after he complained
about a judge
presiding over two
particular cases against him.
I have judge who is
a hater of Donald Trump.
-A hater.
He’s a hater.
His name is…
Gonzalo Curiel.
And he is not
doing the right thing.
The judge who happens to be,
we believe, Mexican,
which is great,
I think that’s fine.
-Oh. Oh, you do, do you?
You think that’s fine?
Great news
people of Mexican descent,
Donald Trump thinks it’s fine
for you to be a human being
existing on this planet.
Now, for the record,
the judge in question
was born in Indiana,
but that’s not the point.
Because, as he later clarified,
it was the judge’s
Mexican heritage
that made him unfit
to judge Trump.
You’re invoking his race
when talking about whether
-or not he can do his job.
-Here’s what I’m saying.
Jack, I’m building a wall, okay?
I’m building a wall.
I’m trying to keep business
out of Mexico.
Mexico’s fine.
-There’s nothing– A Mexican–
-But he’s an American.
Uh, he’s of Mexican heritage,
and he’s very proud of it,
-as I am where I come from.
-But he–
-Where exactly are you from?
Because you look like
you came out of a clogged drain
-at the Wonka factory.
And, you know what?
That’s great!
I think that’s fine.
But think about
what he’s implying there.
The judge is unfit to do his job
because of
his ethnic background.
And just his morning,
Trump took it a step further.
What if he was a Muslim though?
You’ve had– been very tough
on temporary Muslim
immigration ban.
If it were a Muslim judge,
would you also feel like
they wouldn’t be able
to treat you fairly,
because of that policy of yours?
Uh… It’s possible, yes.
Yeah, that would be possible,
I would say that was the
dictionary definition of bigotry
except after this campaign,
the definition of bigotry
might just become,
“See: Trump comma Donald.”
-Now, as it happens,
the judge he initially insulted
is overseeing cases
involving the controversial
Trump University.
And he ordered
a cache of documents
to be released this week.
Which was very exciting to us,
because we actually
looked into his university
when we did our big piece
on Trump
back in February,
and it wound up
on this very long list
of awful Donald Trump stories
that we literally
didn’t have time to delve into,
even in a 22-minute piece.
But, once we started reading
through these new documents,
we figured, “Aw, fuck it.
Let’s take some time
to talk about it now.”
-Because Trump University
is kind of amazing.
Back when it opened,
Trump made some big claims.
At Trump University,
we teach success.
That’s what it’s all about,
It’s going to happen to you.
If you don’t learn
from the people
that we’re going to be
putting forward,
and these are all people
that are handpicked by me,
then, uh,
you’re just not gonna make it
in terms of
the world of success.
“The world of success.”
It sounds like
what Donald Trump
-calls his bedroom.
“Welcome to
The World of Success.
Please enjoy a mint,
and a nondisclosure agreement.”
-Now, unfortunately,
Trump University ran into
problems in several states,
starting with the name itself.
We started looking at
Trump University,
and, uh, discovered that it was
a classic
bait-and-switch scheme.
It was a scam.
Starting with the fact that
it was not a university.
Holy shit!
Trump University
wasn’t even a university.
Which is enough
to make you wonder
what the fuck
was in Trump steaks?
Oh God, it was possum,
wasn’t it?
It was possum, you monsters!
But the name
was just the beginning,
’cause remember how he had
“handpicked instructors”?
Well, according to
his own depositions,
he did not personally select
instructors for live seminars,
and was unable
to recall the names
of key faculty members.
And it’s probably good that
he didn’t handpick them himself,
that would be dangerous.
Trump’s tiny fingers touch
turn into an ex-wife
or an abandoned casino.
And it doesn’t stop there.
According to the sworn testimony
by several former employees,
many instructors and mentors
had no experience
buying or selling real estate.
In fact, one had worked
as a salesmen for Lowe’s,
and another had been manager
for Buffalo Wild Wings.
-Or as I call it, B-dubs-dubs.
-And even a former member
of Trump’s own sale’s staff
testified that it was,
among other things,
a joke, a facade,
and was just selling
false hopes and lies.
And to be fair, every university
has sold some of its students
false hopes and lies.
It’s just, most of the time,
they call it
“a theater arts degree.”
-Now, these new documents
also include several revealing
playbooks of sales tactics.
For instance,
the room temperature
was to be no more
than 68 degrees,
which is partly
to keep students alert,
and partly because
Professor Wild Wings
doesn’t want the ranch sauce
getting all gamy.
-There are also instructions
on how to sell
and upsell students,
or as the playbooks call them,
“buyers”, on expensive courses,
with typo-riddled tips like,
“If a client is adamant
about knowing the price,
simply say, ‘Our course range
anywhere from $29 to $35,000.'”
And if prospects
seemed at all wary,
there was advice
for dealing with that.
‘”You must be very aggressive,”

one passage
from the playbook reads.

‘”If they complain
about the price,

remind them
that Trump is the best.”

-You might laugh,
but that is the same technique
that Trump has been using
to run for president,
and apparently,
-it fucking works!
These playbooks are rife
with sleazy salesmanship.
For instance, employees were
told to substitute the words
“thank you”
with “congratulations”,
so that the potential costumer
ends up thanking you.
-Which is pretty obnoxious.
If I started this show
every week with,
“Welcome toLast Week Tonight,
congratulations on joining us,”
you would quite rightly
turn it off.
And I know what
you’re thinking,
“Well, what about people
who simply
didn’t have the money?”
Trump U didn’t really
have a problem with that.
MAN:A set of playbooks
for the sales team

coached them on
how to market the courses,

even to single mothers
with three children who, quote,

“may need money for food.”
instructed the playbook,

“is never a reason for not
enrolling in Trump University.

If they real believe in you
and your product,

they will find the money.
You are not doing any favor
by letting someone

use lack of money
as an excuse.”

“Lack of money
is not an excuse”
is not what single parents
need to hear.
It’s what Donald Trump
needs to hear
when a fifth company of his
inevitably files
for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
And as you might expect,
some of the customers on
the other end of that hard sell
wound up feeling duped,
like Carmen Mendez,
who put a $35,000 course
on her credit cards
and was left disappointed.
CARMEN:I thought that
I’m going to be a millionaire…

because Donald Trump
is a millionaire
and they were
offering the course
for people to get rich.
MAN:This is the closest Mendez
got to Trump during the course,

a picture of her
with a picture of Donald Trump.

Oh, that’s not a one-off,
’cause another
former student said,
“We were told that
we would get to have
our pictures taken
with Donald Trump.
It ended up being a cardboard
cutout of Mr. Trump.”
Which is actually a perfect
metaphor for Trump University.
You’re expecting the real thing,
but in the end,
all you get is a tacky,
two-dimensional facade
with Donald Trump’s face
slapped on it.
But perhaps
the most suspicious thing of all
is that the playbooks even
include specific instructions
on what to do if an
attorney general shows up.
And believe it or not,
the answer is not,
“Kick over a table
as a distraction
-and get the fuck out of there.”
No, apparently you contact April
-And it also reminds you,
“You do not have to show them
any personal information
unless they have a warrant.”
Which is suspicious advice
-for a university employee.
I’m pretty sure Harvard
doesn’t tell its new professors,
“Welcome, here’s a gun
and a cyanide capsule
in case the fuzz show up.
-Don’t let them take you alive!”
-Now, Donald Trump…
Donald Trump has broadly denied
the claims in the lawsuits,
and his attorneys
have gathered statements
from satisfied customers.
In fact, to hear Trump tell it,
“The school
was very good value.”
Ninety-eight percent
of the people
that took the courses–
we have report cards
from everybody.
They report-carded
on the course.
Ninety-eight percent
of the people
that took the courses,
ninety-eight percent
approved the courses,
they thought they were terrific.
Okay, first there is something
instantly fishy about 98%.
The only things that have that
level of unanimous approval
are dictators,
Pixar movies,
and Neapolitan ice cream.
Yeah, it’s got chocolate
for the chocoholics,
vanilla for the borings,
and strawberry for the perverts.
-In fact,
according to plaintiffs,
the reason those numbers
are so high
is because the surveys
were not anonymous
and were filled out
when participants
were still expecting to receive
future benefits from the program
such as assistance or mentoring
from the instructor
they were evaluating.
So listen to why
one former student
gave it a good review
that he now regrets.
I really look at it like this,
is… is…
Say you go to
a really nice restaurant.
And, uh…
really expensive restaurant,
you eat this
really gorgeous dinner,
and the chef comes out
near the end of your meal,
and asks you
how you liked the meal,
and you really, really loved it.
But then you–
by the time you go home,
you realize that, uh,
you’ve gotten food poisoning
and you’re really, really sick.
INTERVIEWER: What do you think
about Trump University?
I feel like I’ve been poisoned.
I just felt like
I was just duped,
and poisoned, and ripped off.
The only thing worse than that
is having that same feeling
and then realizing,
“Oh, shit!
He’s got three years, 364 days,
left in his first term.”
-But perhaps
the most valuable lesson
to come out of Trump University
is the one that
it is currently giving all of us
in what’s behind
Trump’s campaign strategy.
Because the playbook
tells his salespeople,
“You don’t sell products,
benefits or solutions,
you sell feelings.”
And that
is what is happening now.
Crowds at a Trump rally
may not be able
to point to a concrete benefit
or solution he offers,
but they know
how he makes them feel,
and that is jacked up
and ready to boo any name
that sounds vaguely Latino.
So if you are planning
to vote for Trump in November,
I’d like to direct you
to a quote from the top
of Trump University’s
old homepage,
“Take the risk,
but before you do,
learn what
you’re getting yourself into.”
Donald, I could not
have said it better myself.
-So thank you.
Or should I say,

100 thoughts on “Trump University: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)”


  2. The lunatic is in the hall
    The lunatics are in my hall
    The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
    And every day the paper boy brings more

  3. What is freedom of speech ? Freedom of bitching and do nothing ? All Democratic Party do lately is asking for donations and still bend to Trump’s desires . How many protests have been since he took the chair ? What are we doing ? Just waiting for him to destroy America because some ignorants believed in him ?
    He is like 5 year old spoiled boy asking his parents “ I want a wall , I want a wall “

  4. And. These people probably voted for him. What idiots. $35 k on your credit card. How stupid could you be.

  5. Ted cruz must of graduated from trump university to make calls for him after insulting his wife and saying his dad was involved in jfk killing what a idiot

  6. hold on john oliver, you cant be this retarded, what trump is trying to say that since the judge "mexican" he might have a strong bias against trump who hates mexicans, even the reporter understands what he means when he uses the muslim example, now i know you hate trump and got a strong bias against him, but your biases shouldnt make you unable to be disingenuous while doing your own job, you are smarter than that what you appear to be when you pretend to miss the point.

  7. "you dont sell products, benefits or solutions, you sell feelings" "and thats what is happening now" what a perfect way to sum up your own show

  8. trump university sounds like the get rich quick schemes i used to nag my parents about when i was 10 (it was in the 2000s, tv was littered with them watch the wolf of wall street) but this stuff is so ridiculous i cant believe its legal

  9. Also, thanks for bringing up Night Court. I need the pickmeup since Harry Anderson's death anniversary's next Tuesday. :(',',',',

  10. Oh AND Chicago Justice and Rex is not your Lawyer if they gave THAT the Greenlight. FUCK NBC there.

  11. Hey Trump, Cuban Americans, Puerto Rican Americans, Costa Rica Americans, Dominican Americans, ALL GOD DAMN AMERICANS DESPITE WHERE THEIR FAMILIES CAME FROM ORIGINALLY! What do you plan to do when you're reelected? Deport people who have a RIGHT to live in America because they were BORN here to the countries their parents came from to escape Tyrrany, torture and prison as well as drug distribution and overdose so their children could go to school and get a better education to create a better life for them?

  12. 2:54 Donald Trump is a fourth generation American immigrant of German decent.



  15. that congratulations one is actually pretty good. if you fuck someone over a bit having them thank you would make it harder for them to be upset later

  16. Based on his cabinet and department appointments during his presidency, it’s DEFINITELY good he didn’t hand pick the instructors.

  17. I can’t believe that after all this b.s…..he still managed to get his fat ass inside the White House.un-freakin-believeable!!!

  18. It is 2019 and Trump is even WORSE at being a president as he’s been as a son, husband, father and businessman! He’s also a traitor to our country and has sold his soul to Russia…

  19. in your shithole country universities are equal to junkyards. Shame on u america that ur president is a criminal and a rapist coz u all are assholes and idiots

  20. while america shoots itself in the foot continuously, china expands into every sphere of control while you fight against yourselves. from an australian, this shits sad to see. i mean at first it was hilarious, but now its a nightmare. :((

  21. January 20th 2017.

    A date we will remember for a very long time, and not for the reason you think!

    We'll remember that date specifically because it's the date ALL future time travelers will punch in to their Deloreans, to try coming back to!

  22. I just realised that Trump basically admits that his policies are discriminatory when taking about why the judge is unfit to do his job, to some extent he can get away with pulling off policies that are discriminatory in a round about way, but right there he admits that a certain group of people is supposed to feel discriminated through some of his policies

  23. We all thought college couldn’t mess with ours lives anymore than it already does….

    …until hearing about this

  24. Americans are stupid. Period. Well, at least 35% are and the rest is gerrymandering and voter suppression by the rupublic*nts.

  25. I’m depressed that Trump’s commercial for his “University” was made the year that I was born.

  26. As a non American I find it extremely difficult to understand how the hell you people voted for him; I mean the amount of stupid is clearly reaching new hights. It's sad.

  27. Not saying Trump University isn’t a scam but my accredited university tried to sell me classed I didn’t need. Required general Ed. classes are jut away to suck money out of students. The knowledge of how to dissect a fetal pig, lift weights, or college algebra have never come in use since entering the real world.

  28. The truth about real estate investing is that almost all strategies rely upon buying an asset from a so called "motivated seller." I can tell you from personal experience that so called motivated sellers are extremely tricky to deal with and, especially in the past ten years, far more likely to do something violent and evil than they are to sell you an asset at a discount. Those that say that we used to have a more humane financial system and we need to get back to that time of having a more humane financial system that catches people when they fall are correct.

  29. Trump and his kind unfortunately realize that due to the psychological make up of human beings, people are more likely to believe really outrageous lies. So, what most so called real estate mentors do is they over accentuate the positive and they never mention the negative. Again, they rely heavily upon human psychology. They use the "if you fail, it was your fault" method upon their so called students.

    The truth is that to succeed at real estate investing, you have to have a real mastery of several different business disciplines such as marketing, accounting, and management. Even then, the investing environment has become so tricky. Plus, there's just a lot of simmering anger out there. We need a more humane financial system.

  30. We need to teach our children critical thinking skills and how to listen to their gut. There are warning signs all around you if you just pay attention. If they promise you a photo with Donald Trump and you wind up with a photo of you standing next to a cardboard cut out, that is a huge harbinger of doom, in my opinion. Ask questions, questions, questions before you hand over the credit card and CAREFULLY watch and listen to the response you get from the salesperson. Does he seem indignant? Does he seem inclined to blame the student for a lack of success? Run.

  31. commented in 2019:
    He is more powerfull than u ever would have imginated (sry, if its wrong…german gramma)
    Nobody can harm him and i`ll bet on his reelectiion! What does this tell about u folks on the other side of the water? Yes, exactly!

  32. Good job GOP Senatorial Trump Kiss-Ups!! Good job Lindsey Graham!! Good job Mitch McConnell!! Good job Doug Collins!! There are more!! Where does America find these guys?? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *