Video Game High School (VGHS) – S3: Ep. 3


I’m just saying, we could
shave off 15% if we just move
manufacturing to Honduras.
Then do it.
Why are we even talking?
Because you still haven’t
signed mom’s birthday card.
[sighs]
Oh, there he is.
What’s up, Ashley?
[Menacingly] Shane.
[Normal voice] H.R. says I’m
moving to a bigger desk.
Well, that’s true, because in
its own special way, the
sidewalk is the biggest desk
of all.
You’re so–what?
You’re fired.
and re-hired.
Peekabooski.
[Sighs] Law here.
Can’t wait to frag some
newb skillets.
[Laughter]
Who’s this dickhead?
This is New Law.
His demos are through the roof.
Girls can’t get enough of his
toothpaste smile, and guys are
busting a nut over his sweet
skills.
You can’t–
No, no, I bust the nuts.
I’m the law.
It’s my name.
It’s my I.P.!
All of which you signed over
to Napalm Energy Corporation.
including your butt, which
no one asked you to do,
So you can have that back.
You signed your butt over
to them?
No wonder girls don’t respond
to his brand.
[Laughter]
We’re gonna need you to be
out of the office by lunch,
Laurence.
Ash, about mom’s birthday
card…
Oh, oh, oh.
it’s your mother’s birthday?
Oh, what a special day.
Mrs. Barnstormer is an
inspiration to this whole
company.
Don’t mind if I do.
[snaps fingers]
Yow!
Oh!
My WASDs!
Whoops.
Oh, my bad.
Sorry about that.
[shrieking]
Well, good-bye.
[shrieking]
That guy is classic.
[shrieking]
[Rock music]
♪ Don’t want to hear ♪
♪ About how the real worlds ♪
♪ the place for me ♪
♪ There’s nothing out there ♪
♪ won’t look better ♪
♪ on a TV screen ♪
♪ There’s a better way ♪
♪ I don’t care what you say ♪
♪ I just want to play ♪
♪ We all just want to play ♪
♪ Things will be all right ♪
♪ Soon as I get back to school ♪
♪ ♪
Once the E.R. guy said
Clutch’s big toe was okay,
We rushed right back to the
school, but…
I was driving too fast.
Ted, you should have been
more careful.
I know.
It’s just–
My phone had died, and you
didn’t know where I was, and…
I didn’t want to ruin your prom.
I’m just happy you’re okay.
You are…
Okay, right?
It’s been a rough couple of
weeks, Ki.
But you know what?
This’ll give me time to think.
It’s so unfair that they’re
keeping you here.
It’s only three weeks
detention, Kiwi.
Time’s up.
go win that election, babe.
I’ll miss having lunch with
you.
[sighs]
[Handsome as Sin –
Tell Me How You Died]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I’m the breathing’ ♪
♪ on the other line ♪
♪ The hate causin’ pain ♪
♪ from another time ♪
♪ I’m the barrel ♪
♪ and the shotgun spray ♪
♪ I’m the son of a bitch ♪
♪ Who took your daddy away ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Tuck your head down ♪
♪ ’cause I’m comin’ your way ♪
♪ and I can guarantee ♪
♪ You don’t want me to stay ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I’m the white hairs ♪
♪ in the old man’s beard ♪
♪ the news in the paper ♪
♪ that you don’t want to hear ♪
♪ I’m the aching ♪
♪ in the young man’s brain ♪
♪ The smell of the lover ♪
♪ that drove you insane ♪
♪ I’m a glass house ♪
♪ throwin’ all my stones ♪
♪ The fears you can feel ♪
♪ All the way in your bones ♪
♪ I’m a barrel ♪
♪ and the shotgun blast ♪
♪ I’m a kick in your back ♪
♪ knockin’ you on your ass ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ tuck your head down ♪
♪ ’cause I’m coming your way ♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪ tuck your head down ♪
♪ ’cause I’m coming your way ♪
♪ and I can guarantee ♪
♪ ♪
[Cheers and applause]
[Cheers and applause]
♪ tuck your head down ♪
♪ ’cause I’m coming your way ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ and I can guarantee ♪
♪ You don’t want me to stay ♪
♪ tuck your head down ♪
♪ ’cause I’m coming your way ♪
♪ and I can guarantee ♪
♪ You don’t want me to stay ♪
You got shanked, brother.
Aw, man.
Ted Wong, it’s time.
One pair of sunglasses, black.
One mechanical pencil,
.5 millimeter.
Three sticks of bubble gum,
winter fresh.
I remember having four.
[Gum pops]
One jewel-encrusted
Tomowachi, engraving…
“To Josh, happy 8th birthday,
Love mom.”
It’s dead.
[gasps]
Oh, crap!
Oh!
Aah!
Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap.
Ah, jeez.
You’re feeding him, right,
and teaching him new tricks,
and cleaning his poop?
You got to clean his poop, Ted.
Uh-huh.
He’s fine.
He’s just sleeping right now.
He’s sleeping?
It’s noon.
What did you do to him?
Hmm?
Show him to me.
He’s in my room, and you will
get to see him when your team
votes for Ki.
Oh, no, Ted.
My guys don’t vote until I know
He’s okay.
You got that?
Yes, fine.
I’ll send you a picture.
He better be smiling, ted.
He better be smiling!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Pwners and Zwners, today is
The day–
Napalm versus VGHS.
Two incredible teams,
two incredible captains,
but only one will go on
to the fps championship.
Let’s talk jenny matrix.
She’s still a sophomore.
This is her first year on
varsity, and this is the biggest
game of her career.
Can she handle the pressure?
According to my readouts…
No.
There you have it.
He’s here.
Jacques Letoure and his scout
are coming to the game.
What?
Wait. Why?
Why?
To see you play, and they want
to meet you after the game.
Word on the street is they’re
losing their backup sniper.
Okay, so this–this is–
this is real.
Mm-hmm, Ashley’s the only
other player they’re looking at.
You kick his ass, and you will
be packing your bags, because
you will be going to Paris.
Hey, it’s a really, really
good thing.
Get your war face on.
Mom…
I have to tell Brian.
[sighs]
and I don’t–I don’t even
know what to say.
You still want this, right?
Yeah, more than anything.
Then you tell him that,
and you hope that he
understands.
Yeah.
Hey, hey, guys.
[Laughter]
Oh-ho, what is that?
Dude.
Hey, guys.
Jenny, hey.
We’re just–
Yeah, sorry to interrupt.
Hey, I was just, um…
I was wondering, do you want to
come over for dinner tonight?
I’ll cook.
You’ll cook?
Mm-hmm.
okay.
Okay, great.
So I’ll see you tonight after
the game.
Yeah.
Uh…
is everything okay?
Yeah. Yes.
Yeah, definitely.
I just wanted to talk to you,
Just you and me, talking,
you know, just you and me.
it’s nothing.
Um…
[Clears throat] I’m gonna go
vote before the game.
okay.
Oh, my god!
That’s so cute!
What?
do we need to draw you a map?
A map?
To where?
To sex town, Brian.
’cause that’s where you’re
headed, and when you get there,
you’re having sex with jenny.
Mm-hmm.
What?
No, stop being weird.
think about it, dude.
She wants to cook you dinner
tonight after the big game.
Just the two of you.
She cook you a lot of
dinners, Brian?
I mean, she burned us popcorn
once, and then we made out
afterwards.
Oh, my god.
That was just popcorn, dude.
Tonight you get the full course.
Uh-huh.
You’re getting dessert.
Boom!
Ah-roo-gah!
Honk-honk!
Yeah!
You the man!
You’re the man, Brian!
[All shouting lewdly]
Oh, yeah!
The guy’s a king.
[Dial-up connections whirring]
That’s three more votes
from the puzzle gamers.
Yes.
[whispering] uh, Ki, can
I talk to you for a second?
Hi.
You’re back.
Hi.
Um…
So, about the M.M.O. guild…
there’s news on
the M.M.O. guild?
Do we have it confirmed?
Will they hold?
What?
did we get their votes?
Duh.
Just talked to josh.
Everything’s gonna be fine.
[Applause]
Everyone, we can do this.
[All cheering]
You’re the best, ted.
This is a one-round game of
hostage rescue.
The first team to extract their
hostage to the helipad wins.
Captains, have you picked your
hostages?
Jumpin’ Jax.
Ashley barnstormer.
This guy.
Game starts in 60 seconds.
Let’s get it crackin’.
All right, bring it in.
[Claps hands]
All right, this is the real
deal, kids.
This is your moment.
If you win this game, you will
have sex with my daughter.
Get Jax on that helicopter,
and we are going to the
championship.
Now, go out there and make me
proud.
Go!
Brian…
You seem distracted.
Did Jenny talk to you?
Oh, about…
About what’s going to happen
After the game?
Oh. Um…
Okay, I know this is awkward
because I’m her mom, and
whatever happens between you two
is between you two.
But I can’t have it affecting
your game out there.
No, no, it won’t.
Really?
Because you look pretty frazzled
Right now.
Okay, fine. Um…
I’m sort of freaking out just a
little bit, because, like,
you know, it’s a big change
in our relationship.
Well, change is coming,
Brian, whether you want it to
or not.
and it’s gonna hurt.
It is?
Yeah, it hurts.
but jenny has dreamed about this
her entire life, so don’t ruin
it for her.
Okay, you go out there, and you
do your job.
Let’s do it.
[Rapid gunfire]
Brian d. is falling apart out
there.
Give that boy some crazy glue.
[Gunshot]
Oh, come on, Brian.
Man, your team kind of sucks,
Especially Brian.
Well, good thing you won’t have
to play with them when you’re in
Paris this summer.
[sighs] look, I get it.
You put yourself in here to
screw with me.
It’s not gonna work.
Jenny, you got me all wrong.
I’m just lazy.
Besides, the law has got this
in the bag.
You remember the law, don’t you?
[Telephone ringing]
[Chirpy indistinct speech]
But I thought we had a deal.
[Chirpy indistinct speech]
Okay.
I understand.
Everyone…
I just got word that the RPG
team voted for Shane.
damn it!
I thought we had it!
walk it off, Sebastian.
I thought we had it.
Okay, so we’re gonna tear
down this wall for the shark
tank, and I’m thinking that the
zen garden can go right about
here.
Oh, hey, guys.
don’t mind us.
What are you doing here
Shane?
Oh, I’m just getting a head
start on some of my presidential
duties.
This is gonna be my office.
This is our classroom.
Oh, don’t worry.
it turns out there’s an even
grosser, smellier basement
underneath this basement.
It’s all yours.
[clears throat]
Um, Shane, you can’t do this.
This isn’t how it works.
Oh, man, no grape pop?
Actually, they’ve got grape
down at the student center.
That’s all the way
across campus!
[Sighs] today blows.
Call my driver.
Make sure it’s Steven.
It should always be Steven.
[chuckles]
Mm, yeah.
O’doyle, you have yoga in the
mornings, right?
Well, yoga’s hard work.
I bet you wish you could have
some super sour straws on your
way back.
Oi, they’re my favorite
candy, but you can only
get them–
In that vending machine next
to the weird mural in the
parking lot–
Too long a walk between classes.
What if I told you we could put
them here in the vending machine
next to Mr. Wong’s classroom.
I would say you’re speaking
my language, Ki Swan.
You could move gummy worms
closer to the parkour funasium.
I could finally have
chocolate raisins on the way
to celebrity Pokermon.
go out and talk to every
voter you can.
Find out what favorite soda,
What favorite candy, favorite
treat they normally don’t
have time to get on their way
to class, and you tell them
that Ki swan personally promises
that the snacks they want will
be in the vending machines
they need them to be in,
to get the snacks that they
normally don’t have time to get,
but want!
Polls close in five hours.
Let’s get to work, people.
[exhales deeply]
Oh, I think I’m gonna be
sick.
It’s just a Tomowachi.
I have the cutest Tomowachi
at home named hank.
This freaks me out!
Ki needs these votes.
All right?
And I need your help,
So let’s go.
Clutch, get the camera.
D.K., help me with the body.
Theodore, stealing Joshua’s
virtual pet and threatening to
kill it, that’s one thing.
that’s cool.
But to actually kill it and
pretend it’s alive?
That messed up.
You want to talk messed up
to the guy who’s been in
detention for over three weeks?
Now, help me with the body
and teach me Photoshop.
’tis a dark road upon which
you drift, Ted.
You go where we cannot follow.
You’re a monster.
Fine.
I don’t even need your stinkin’
help anyway.
I thought we were bros!
Oh, my gosh.
get me out of here.
I want to play!
Ugh!
Stupid.
Hey, frag out!
Aah!
[Whimpers]
[sighs]
Jenny, your boyfriend’s
having some real performance
issues.
Brian, get it together.
Dude, what is your deal?
I can’t–can’t focus.
Coach pretty much confirmed that
Jenny and I are doing it
tonight.
What?
How is that a problem?
[groans]
I don’t know, man.
I’m really nervous about it.
Brian, you are literally
living every 16-year-old boy’s
dream right now.
You go to a Video Game High
School.
Your smoking-hot girlfriend
wants to have sex with you.
And for some reason, her mom is
cool with it.
You’re right.
That is pretty awesome.
Yeah, it’s pretty damn
awesome.
Now, do you want it or not?
I want it!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh!
Aah!
Aah!
Yowza!
I don’t know what’s got into
Brian d, but Scotty wants
some of that in pill form.
[Electronic music]
♪ ♪
[Telephone rings]
[Telephone rings]
♪ ♪
[whispering indistinctly]
♪ boop-a-doop-a-doo ♪
♪ boo-doo-boo ♪
Bored, bored, bored.
Oh, yeah.
[Laughs]
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah!
We’re going home.
okay.
[Screaming]
Yo, Brian…
I love that pump.
I think I’m starting to
get you, Jacks.
GG, Barnstormer.
Yeah.
No.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Dude, we got to jump
another fence.
and this is it.
Brian D and Jacks are making
a run.
My god, VGHS could actually
win this thing.
♪ ♪
Who could have expected
this outcome?
Brian D is going all the way!
♪ ♪
[Crowd groans]
No!
aah!
aah!
aah!
Whoopsies.
Did law do that?
[Trilling tongue]
Well, this machine’s full,
so how about the protein bars
go here and the smoothies stay
where they are?
I don’t know.
That’s a pretty far walk from
the puzzle-gaming room, but…
[Horns honking]
behold, VGHS.
Vending machines for every team.
A vending machine on every
corner.
Vending machines–
just take one and vote for me.
We got snacks.
We got bevs.
We got whatever you want.
Go on in there.
Can we get the smoothie
machine?
Sure thing, bros.
Vote for Shane.
Oh, hey, Ki.
Thanks for the idea.
How did you–
Rich.
Well, you can’t just–
Ki, rich.
There’s no clever solution here.
I’m gonna get what I want.
and what do you want, Shane?
Because I want to help the
students.
And the students wanted
snacks or whatever.
Isn’t that the whole point?
Didn’t I do it better than you?
So what’s the problem here?
You don’t care.
I care.
The world doesn’t care
that you care.
Where do you want these,
boss?
Don’t care.
I did everything right.
It shouldn’t work like this.
Life’s not a game.
Things don’t always work out
like they should.
There’s no great programmer
in the sky.
That’s stupid.
People just say that when they
can’t figure out how to solve
a problem.
Life makes sense.
You just have to…
figure it out.
The polls are closed, Ki.
There’s nothing more to figure
out.
Why don’t you come back to H.Q.
and wait with the rest of the
team?
[Sighs]
You would have made a fine
President, Ki swan.
And that’s something.
[sighs]
[whistling cheerfully]
Hmm.
♪ going to the bathroom ♪
♪ gonna make some pee ♪
All right, we need to lock
this base down.
You three, out front.
Brian and I will guard
the hostage.
go.
[Sighs]
[Sighs]
Hey.
Don’t worry.
We got this.
and then tonight we’ll
celebrate.
I can’t even think about
tonight right now.
Wait.
is that what’s bothering you?
’cause we can wait to have
dinner.
I mean, I want to have dinner,
but, like, if it’s stressing
you out, I can wait for dinner.
Brian, we can still have
dinner.
No.
of course we can have dinner.
I’m saying…
we don’t have to have sex
afterwards.
What?
You know…
The sex?
The team told me that having
dinner means…
Even your mom said–
Oh, my god, no.
No, Brian, I just wanted to talk
to you tonight about…
can we just do this later?
Holy balls, he doesn’t know.
Hey, Brian, guess what.
shut up!
How could you not tell him?
He’s your boyfriend.
That’s cold, even for you,
Jenny.
Tell me what?
That if you win this match,
she moves to Paris.
Paris?
No, that’s not even true.
It’s not?
well, all right, kind of,
but–
What does “kind of” mean,
Jenny?
can we please talk about this
Later?
Fine.
Brian, my boy, in my
experience, long-distance
relationships just don’t work
out.
Ashley, shut up!
Jenny, are you going to
Paris or not?
I knew I put myself in here
for a reason.
So, at dinner tonight,
you’re breaking up with me?
Brian…
five seconds, Jenny.
[Gunfire]
Aah!
[groans]
[crowd cheering]
It all comes down to Jenny
Matrix.
Can she handle the pressure?
[Crowd chanting “VGHS”]
[Helicopter blades thrumming]
[Dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[Gunshot]
Brian.
Brian, wait.
Look, I should have told you,
Okay?
How long, Jenny?
How long have you known
that you’re leaving?
God, I’m such an idiot.
No, you’re not.
This whole month, I’ve
thought that everything was
great between us.
Dinner tonight, I actually–
god, of course not,
’cause you care about this
Way more.
and you know what?
That’s fine.
No, that is not fair, okay?
I am not gonna let you make me
Feel bad about this.
Yes, Jenny, we’ve got that,
loud and clear, thank you.
screw you, Brian.
I have wanted this my entire
life, and I love you, and it’s
been killing me.
well, then let me make it
easy for you, okay?
We’re done.
Lovers’ quarrel, huh?
That’s tough.
Oh!
Ugh!
Jenny!
And the final tally is
Shane pizza, with 126 votes,
and Ki swan, with 128.
[Cheering]
Yes, kiwi!
Oh, I’m so proud of you.
Congrats.
President Ki swan, everyone.
[Applause]
Congrats, Ki.
Thank you.
Now, ted…
Give me back my Tomowachi.
You know what?
Hey, josh, I don’t–
I don’t have it on me today.
What’s he talking about, ted?
nothing.
Josh, let’s talk about this
tomorrow.
Stop stalling, ted.
You got our votes.
Now, where is he?
That’s him.
He’s in your backpack.
Why won’t you give him to me?
What happened to him, ted?
Nothing.
Is that my Tomowachi
in there?
Is that my Tomowachi in there?
[Ominous music]
♪ ♪
Oh.
No.
Oh, my god, no!
Oh, my god.
No.
[Whimpering]
You are a liar
and a murderer.
and I hope you totally choke
on barf.
Come on, Joshy.
Okay, come on.
Come on, it’s okay.
Come on.
All right, come on.
Okay, okay, come on, come on.
What?
We were going to lose,
All right?
They were being jerks.
I didn’t mean for it to die.
Look, Ki…
I’m sorry, okay?
But you’re president now.
That’s a good thing, right?
Right?
It’s just a freakin’
virtual pet.
He’ll get over it.
Ki, you didn’t know.
This isn’t your fault.
You deserve to win.
I cheated.
I stuffed the ballot boxes.
I’m sorry.
Oh!
You just bought yourself another
week’s detention, dillweed.
Get out of here!
Sorry, dad.
[slurping]
[Knock at door]
[sighs]
Ki left school.
She’s gone.

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